I did it again and I hate myself for it

I got an email forwarded to me like 3 weeks ago about a drs appointment my husband made for the toddler. I forgot to add it to the calendar. The appointment is tomorrow but no arrangements were made, so there's no way to actually go to the appointment unless something last second can be adjusted.

Why wasn't the appointment added? Idk. I saw the email, must have been distracted by something and never went back to it again.

Husband is furious. Keeps going on and on and on about all the ways I drop the ball all the time. He claims if I would just communicate nothing like this would happen, if I would just follow through, if I would just, if I would just.

I hate myself. If I was any other person. If my brain fucking worked properly this shit wouldn't happen.

I'm just so entirely sick of being like this. I try endlessly to get things right and I never do.

And when I try to explain myself I either melt down entirely because I can't articulate anything for shit or I get told I'm just making excuses.

I'm exhausted. I hate myself, I hate being the way that I am.