Received your text

When I saw your text message pop up congratulating me on my baby, I honestly was shocked. I felt like eventually you’d reach back out to me at some point, and seeing you actually reach out was still shook me to say the least. Honestly I wanted to respond right then but…doing so would give the impression that I still hold a place for you in my heart. And maybe I do.

Although it’s been hard to come to terms with the end of our friendship, I don’t think we’d ever be friends again. I trusted you wholeheartedly, and when I sat back and really payed attention to our friendship dynamic, it just made me angry. I held no boundaries with you, told you things in confidence that you used as gossip. And overall I felt so naive.

I won’t lie and say I don’t miss you, but my anger towards the betrayal I feel overcomes that feeling of longing, I still have pictures in my phone of us and some of the memories we shared. I avoid looking at them when I scroll through my phone but can’t bring myself to delete them.

Man I wish things were different. I’m not sorry about how I reacted, but I am sorry how things ended. And I replay the ending I’ve our friendship over and over in my head. Wondering if I was wrong or how I could have handlers it better. I wonder if you ever think about me and my family as much as I think about you and yours.

It’s been about 3years and I still yearn for a close friendship like the one I thought we had. But all in all, thank you for the well wishes.

~K