I deserve to suffer.

It’s the first day of school for me and for the record I’m a teenager but I won’t reveal my exact age but due to my autism, GAD, and depression I isolated the entire summer. I am now at school and I feel like everyone just moved on without me, confirming DOZENS of my WORST fears. I feel so alone and the pain is unbearable and I’m having feelings of deep loneliness, severe suicidal ideation and paranoia. I deserve all of this. Despite how painful this isolation is I feel like I can’t exit it as the world is too dangerous and while this isolation is unbearable, I feel like stepping out is something I just cannot do because I’m a fucking weakling and this world is scary. Thanks for reading, sorry for your wasting your time. (NO I AM NOT ATTENTION SEEKING).