My first post

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here, and I just want to start by saying how grateful I am to have found this community again. I originally came across it a long time ago, and it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one going through this.

I’m 21 years old and grew up in Sweden. From a young age, I was aware that something about me was different from most of the boys and men around me, including my own dad.

About seven years ago, I went down the rabbit hole of reading about circumcision. That was the first time I really started to understand what I had lost. I saw videos of circumcision procedures, and what I saw genuinely traumatized me.

After that, certain things would immediately trigger me. Hearing a child scream or cry, for example, could instantly take my mind back to what I had seen. Sometimes even certain words were enough to bring everything back. It became something I couldn’t really switch off or separate myself from.

I started reading about restoration and regeneration. I couldn’t start restoring back then, so instead I put all my hope into the idea of foreskin regeneration and convinced myself that maybe, someday, there would be a way to get everything back without having to go through restoration.

This summer, seven years after I started reading about all of this, I started reading about everything again, and honestly, it destroyed me. All of the feelings I had pushed away for years suddenly came back at once, and my mental health took a huge hit.

I started remembering things from growing up that I hadn’t thought about in years. How I avoided showering around my classmates in school because I was afraid of being teased or made fun of. How I would always try to find an excuse to get out of class or call in sick whenever circumcision came up in Biology class or Religion class.

I also remembered exactly how I felt when I first started reading about circumcision seven years ago. I could not believe it. It affected me deeply. I remember crying every night.

All of this happened before I had sex for the first time. So when I eventually did have sex, I couldn’t feel free. Instead of being present and enjoying the experience, my mind was stuck on circumcision. That was two years ago.

Right now, I feel completely overwhelmed by all of this.

I’m struggling a lot mentally. I’ve had an enormous fight with my parents, and I haven’t spoken to them for several months. There are days when I genuinely hate myself. I feel ashamed of myself, even though I know rationally that none of this was my fault.

I also find myself reading about circumcision over and over, even though I know it doesn't make me feel any better.

I also find myself watching porn and comparing myself to uncircumcised men, even though I know it only makes me feel worse.

One thing I would really appreciate advice on is how others have coped with the mental and emotional side of this.

How do you heal from the anger, sadness, resentment, and constant thoughts about what happened? How do you eventually reach a point where you can accept your body as it is while also working toward changing it?

I’m realizing that restoration is not only going to be a physical process for me. I also need to figure out how to heal mentally and stop allowing this to consume so much of my life.

Despite everything, I’ve made a decision for myself.

I AM GOING TO RESTORE!

At the moment, I’m thinking about manual restoration because I like the idea of being able to target specific areas of skin and adjust what I’m doing depending on how my skin develops. I’ve also been reading about Andre’s method and trying to understand whether it might be suitable for me.

As far as I can tell, I was cut high and loose. When flaccid, I think I’m somewhere around CI-3, while when erect I’m probably closer to CI-2. I have quite a lot of inner skin, and I believe my frenulum is mostly intact.

This is where I’d really appreciate some advice from people who have more experience with manual restoration.

I’ve been looking at MM2 and MM3, and I’m wondering which one would make more sense for my situation.

Would MM2 or MM3 be a better choice? Or would it make more sense to simply start with MM3 and not worry too much for the first few months, adjusting as my journey continues?

I’d really appreciate any advice about getting started, choosing between MM2 and MM3, or approaching restoration in general.

And honestly, I’m full of rage and sadness right now, and it can feel incredibly lonely.

If anyone has advice about dealing with the mental side of this, wants to hear more about my story, or would simply be willing to listen and talk, please feel free to DM me. I’d genuinely appreciate having someone to talk to.

Thanks for reading, and thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to respond.