30s/40s, Married, experiencing a massive shift in orientation/gender identity and don't know how to make sense of it. Need advice.

I am feeling completely overwhelmed and need some perspective from people who might have walked a similar path.

For the past 9 months, my entire understanding of my sexuality and identity has collapsed and been rebuilt. Historically, I lived as a cis/het man in a heterosexual marriage. However, I’ve always had suppressed attraction to men and submissive urges that I kept tightly locked away.

Nine months ago, something shifted. I allowed myself to explore submissive and feminized dynamics (wearing lingerie, soft play, prostate stimulation). The reaction from my body and mind was immediate and absolute.

Since then, my body has completely abandoned traditional male arousal:

 I no longer get erections during conscious arousal or traditional intimacy.

 My body now responds exclusively to soft, receptive, inverted stimulation and prostate-focused play (I still have normal morning erections, so it's not physical ED).

 I feel immense psychological relief and euphoria in a soft, feminine, submissive state.

Recently, I had a huge realization: what I thought was lifelong, intense attraction to women was actually gender envy. I wasn't wanting to penetrate or possess women—I was deeply envious of their bodies, soft skin, and breasts. At the same time, my attraction to men and wanting to be in a receptive/feminine role with a man has become undeniably clear.

I’m struggling to understand where I land:

1. Am I a cis gay man / femboy / power bottom who enjoys deep feminization in the bedroom?

2. Or am I a trans woman / non-binary person whose identity realization was unlocked through my sexuality?

I’m currently taking a 30-day "mental moratorium" to refrain from making any drastic, impulsive decisions while I look for an LGBTQ+ and kink-aware therapist. But my head is spinning thinking about my marriage, my future, and how to navigate this reality.

Has anyone else experienced a late-in-life realization like this where sexual rewiring unlocked a gender shift? How did you untangle gender envy from sexual attraction, and how did you navigate the shock of knowing you can't go back to your "old" life?

Any advice, shared experiences, or insight would mean the world right now. Thank you.