I can’t tell if I’m a lesbian.

I really hope I can get a lesbians input on this because I’m really struggling here. I’m currently with a guy so I’m too scared to talk to anyone I know in person about it but I’m seriously questioning whether or not I’m a lesbian. I’ve come out as a lesbian numerous times before, the first time being when I was 13. I’ve dated one girl but I didn’t really like her like that so we broke up but ever since then I’ve dated guys. I fell in love with my ex best friend who was a lesbian but she dropped me instantly after finding out, it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I’ve always felt more attracted to women but I can’t tell if I’m bisexual or a lesbian. I love my boyfriend a lot but it’s hard for me to be intimate with him because all I can think about is women. I’ve broken up with guys in the past because I thought I was a lesbian but I always ended up with a guy even if I felt like I wanted a girl more, it’s hard to get a girlfriend here and I’ve found dating guys easier. I’m probably not giving a lot of vital information here but this is really stressful for me because I’ve been with this guy for over a year and it’s been getting really serious, like I said I love him so much but I just don’t know. I’ve been unlabeled for a while because I do constantly switch back and forth between bi and lesbian and it just got tiring but for a while I’ve been labeling myself as bi but I genuinely don’t know anymore. I get aroused thinking about being intimate with a woman or how it would feel to kiss one. Most of the movies I watch are lesbian movies, it’s the only way I can really feel anything. I’m not opposed to being intimate with my boyfriend but I just feel like it wouldn’t be as good as a woman, I hate admitting this, I really do but it’s eating me alive and I kept promising myself I’d keep this to myself but I don’t know anymore. It’s just a cycle for me, I meet a guy, I date him, I fantasize about being with a woman, we break up eventually, I try to get a girlfriend, it doesn’t work, so I eventually end up going back to guys. I have friends who are in lesbian relationships or have been and I get jealous. I really just want to know, I just don’t know anymore.