Getting lonely

I'm a femboy and it's getting lonely.

I have a gf but still.

I go out as a femboy in public but idk the loneliness eats me alive. I never feel like fitting in.

I think I'm trans.

but in a boy.

I do girly things like writing on notepads, moaning ara ara to my body pillow and stuff.

Im not lying.

umm I wanna be trans one day, but I feel extremely lonely rn and when I go out fem in public, I feel uncomfortable.

on top of that, my parents are strictly homophobic.

all i do is goon and have a gooning addiction.

I wanted to have a nice waist, and a nice ass and thighs.

I do want the female anatomy.

guys, how do I stop this pattern? need help here.