i relapsed last night. how do i overcome my hard headedness?

i woke up yesterday morning and went to a meeting where i picked up my 60 day chip. it was a great feeling, people were proud of me. i went to another meeting afterward a few hours later, and then when it concluded i called a potential employer. i could not be rehired said HR, a seemingly permanent decision. i walked out on the job 4 years ago and after getting out of rehab on aug 24 i went to an interview at a different location (its a fast food chain), i had thought surely bygones could be bygones, especially with new management.

i started spiraling, i didnt bother calling my sponsor, i just waited until after my intensive outpatient meeting to lift some alcohol from a couple spots i knew had employees who dont care. i drank again, on the anniversary of my 2 months of sobriety.

if i know im going to do something i shouldn't, i just fucken do it you know? i wanted a drink, and when i want something bad enough ill move heaven and hell to achieve it. i couldn't hold down a job when i was in a worse state of addiction and i cant even get one in early recovery.

so yeah guys, what do you do if youre like this? where when you want to do something, everything becomes centered around doing that thing?