i (20 F) want to tell my (20M) high school crush that i think i'm still in love with him

First this needs some backstory. So back in my high school theatre class at 16, (i'm 20 now, so i've known him for about 4 years) i had this major crush on one of the guys in the show (i was stage crew, he was in the ensemble) and i swear that it all started as soon as i saw him, he hadn't even noticed me or spoken to me yet or anything but when i saw him from afar i was like "yup, that there is my theatre crush" 😭

So, as time went on i obviously made efforts to become friends, and we still remain friends to this day... but SO much has happened the years in between.

To keep things semi-short and hopefully digestible, i'll just lay out the most significant parts. (tldr at the end)

Things started to develop into something more romantic around the time of the cast party a few months later after the show was over, we had been flirting, spending more time together, and i was falling hard. in the meantime i still had ZERO clue if he felt the same (classic). So during said cast party, the flirting was significantly more flirtatious than usual, we were sitting close to each other, holding hands to keep warm, basically as 'high school' as it gets. at some point in the night, I think I remember one of our friends joking about us kissing, cause everybody noticed how close we were anyways all I remember, is him grabbing my hand and quickly leading me around the side of the house, i teasingly said "i'll do it" trying to act as if I didn't actually really want to, but i actually did it. just a peck, but it was my first kiss.

So you would think after this, we would have talked about our feelings with each other but surprisingly, we never did, not even to this day. That summer we would hang out a lot and still be flirtatious, and dear God I was so down bad for him. but yet again it was almost mixed signals. Sometimes it felt one-sided other times I felt it was reciprocated, but it was so quiet. We never acknowledged it or spoke of it.

later that year, I found out that we had met when we were little. he and his family lived with us at the farm I grew up on when we would rent half of our house to different families in need. and after going through old photos and talking to my mom about him, she remembered his last name and then his mother, which is when we put the pieces together. We used to play together as kids riding together on a sled connected by a rope to the back of my Papa's tractor in the winter.
when I told him my discovery, I felt like it made us closer.

I'd like to say about a year and a half later I finally said it.
I sent the "i like you" text. Then like the giddy teenage girl
i was, immediately threw my phone across the room.

and his response? "I like you too, and I think you're making it very clear on your feelings I just don’t know if I’m ready for this"

soul. crushing.

then we both agreed we weren't ready for anything, even though i wanted him BAD!!!!!!!!!
so we talked and basically agreed to stay friends like normal.
After that, the flirting de-escalated obviously. but my feelings certainly did not.

after graduation, we drifted apart, but stayed in touch, reaching out on the odd birthday. One night last summer I had a dream about him and the strong urge to text him the morning after, I never went through it.
A week later, I was invited to the birthday party of somebody who I was acquainted with in high school, guess who was there? all of my feelings came flooding back in an instant. i felt like i was 16 again getting giddy over him talking to me in theatre class. I thought that it was a sign from the universe or something.

In january of this year, we did a project together volunteering backstage for a local theatre show. at this point I had been in a relationship with somebody new for a few months, and though my feelings still lingered when I saw him, which made me feel so guilty, they felt muffled almost like there was a lid on them.

One night after a rehearsal, we talked on the phone because I had some gossip about a real nasty guy we both mutually know who is in this show. (thats a whole other story, but it's juice so maybe i'll talk about it on a future post)
we ended up reminiscing on our time at school and for the first time ever he actually acknowledged that there was something between us at the time of the cast party, which made my heart sink honestly because we NEVER spoke about it. he said something awkward like: "thats when you and i...we were kinda talking at the time"
that was pivotal for me because I had almost begun to gaslight myself into thinking it was all in my head, even though the whole, "I like you" conversation happened, it genuinely FELT like i imagined it.

fast forward to present day. (i'm now single)
this was just about a month ago, I was camping and had another dream about him. it always surprises me when I dream of him because he's usually never crossing my mind. anyways this time I felt really strongly that I should reach out to him, so I texted him.

he actually texted me on my birthday a month before and said a bunch of really nice things, asking me how my bday was, if I had a good party, telling me that I rocked and hoped that I had a great summer.
It kind of shocked me because I forgot to reach out to him for his birthday the month before, and probably the year before that too.

Anyways, he mentioned that he was moving to the city for school, so when I texted him after my dream, I asked if he had moved yet, and if he'd wanna catch up soon. he said he gets the keys to his new place on September 1st and that "we will definitely hang out once he's settled in."

And no, I'm not looking for anything with him. That's not what this is about anymore. I just really need closure because I feel like I can't move on having all my feelings come back every time I see him, which will be a lot more now that he's moved to the city, and not to mention we're also going to be working together on another volunteer show in the new year.

I know he's probably not meant for me, I just really wanna talk with him about all of this so I (and maybe he) can get some closure because this whole situation between us is basically the foundation of our entire friendship.

this weekend, I'll be seeing him again for the first time since the new year and my gut is just begging me to do something for closure. I have no idea what I would say or ask. All I know is that I want him to know how I feel and how I've felt, and to know how he felt. I want to know all of the things that he wanted to say but didn't say to me, maybe because he was too nervous, or because he was just an immature teen boy who didn't know what to do with his feelings?? honestly I don't care what he says I just wanna talk to him and have an honest conversation about it as we're adults now.

I still care about him so much and right now it feels like there will always be a part of me that loves him even though we didn't have anything particularly meaningful or special, which is pretty confusing to me considering the fact that I don't really feel that way about my ex bf of 10 months, and we
only just broke up in late june.....but maybe its because we actually had a relationship :/

Tldr; My high school crush never knew just how much i loved him, and judging by how i feel whenever i see him, i think i still do. i want him to know these feelings and hopefully hear his too. i honestly just need closure.

If i did talk to him, I don't know how i would even put into words how i'm feeling. just not sure what/how to tell him.