Earl - The Neigborhood Fixer Upper & Drunkard

Earl was bent over a stripped-down Briggs & Stratton motor, piddling around trying to get a neighbor's lawnmower fixed. He reached under the workbench and hooked his thumb around his bottle of corn liquor, pulled out the plug, and took a big gulp, wincing as the corn liquor bit his throat.

He heard a thump above him on the tin roof, like a big walnut feel from the tree outside.

"Shit," he groaned, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, " that's some strong liquor!"

He set the bottle down as a startling flutter of wings landed directly on his workbench. An ugly, half-plucked pigeon sat beside his socket wrenches--a foot from the open engine--cocking its head at him with a ribbon and paper tied to its leg.

Earl flinched, waving a greasy palm at the bird. "Git, git outta here!"

The bird flew back off towards the open barn door. The loose loop of blue yarn fell free from its leg as it kicked off the wood, and the piece of rolled-up paper fell right on the greasy concrete floor next to Earl's work boots.

He grunted and reached down to grab it out of sheer curiosity.

Earl squinted at the paper. There was something written on it, but the text was light, so he pulled his glasses out of his shirt pocket. It read--

"Earl-- Take the Ford over to the Miller lads' tomorrow morning and bush hog that front field before the ragweed starts to seed. Get your drunk ass over there and get it done or I'll personally make sure your hot water heater never works again.

—M. C.

Earl stood transfixed in the barn doorway, holding the paper, scratching his head over M.C. -- when a gentle breeze blew the scent of cheap rosewater soap and Vicks VapoRub past his nose. The smell hit him like a smack to the jaw! Mildred Clatterbuck?

She's been dead for a week or two now!

He stuffed the paper into his watch pocket and tucked his corn liquor back under the shelf. The living Mildred was mean enough, but a dead one sending a message by pigeon carrier wasn't somebody to cross, so he turned and trudged toward the house to find his tractor keys!