22 HLF / 23M — 8 months in and I can count the last three months on one hand. How do I tell if this is a lull or the start of a DB?

This is my first relationship that lasted past the “new” phase. For the first five months things were mutual. Since early summer it’s been maybe once a month, always after I start it, and it feels like he’s getting through it.

He’s kind. He says he loves me. He does not reach for me unless I move first. When I asked if something was wrong, he said nothing was wrong and that I think about it more than he does.

I don’t have years of data. I only have this: I feel lonely in a relationship that looks fine to everyone else.

I’m not trying to diagnose him. I want a way to talk about mismatch this early without sounding like I’m issuing an ultimatum at 22.

What I want advice on: How did you tell a newer partner “this frequency isn’t working for me” in concrete terms (what you need in a month, what you’re asking them to do) without turning it into a referendum on the whole relationship?