Trigger warning - death

So my mom is a narcissist, which leads to a lot of issues. But the thing I can't keep out of my head is how she treated her husband.

\>!My stepdad was hit by a car while leaving work a couple years ago. This lead to a long hospital stay, a long time before his memory was decent, physical therapy. He eventually made it home! There was some drama about maybe needing some type of catheter at home that my mom would have to change, and in her words "I won't do that!"  Not that she can't, or she's worried about being able to care for him properly, but she "won't." Anyway, after making it home, he fell, and was back in the hospital.  That's when he also stopped eating.

In the first hospital stay, he had a feeding tube while he was unconscious. My mom claims he never wanted one again, but I don't know how accurate that is. What I do know is that she decided, against doctor advice, to go with a riskier procedure to keep him nourished (I can't remember the name). The whole time he was in the hospital, my little sister (his biological child) was in the hospital room EVERY DAY, while working on her masters. She brought her school work with her and sat and talked with him every day - when he was conscious or not. My mom? His wife? Sometimes skipped out seeing him entirely, even when he was conscious and aware and fully sentient. 

While all this was going on, she was getting close to when she does an annual vacation, just for her. I think that's important to note. The doctors suggested transferring my stepdad to a specialty hospital which would be better equipped to get him ingesting food normally again and lead to his recovery. My mom relayed this info to me and my siblings, and I mentioned how that seems like just the right thing, and a great opportunity to get him the help he needs! Her exact response? "What's the point?"

Anyway, instead of transferring to the specialty hospital to give him a chance, she elected (as his medical power of attorney) to send him to hospice. At that point, he was weak, and I wasn't sure if he even knew what was happening. He was conscious, interacting, etc. I sent him a father's day message and stated in there that he is in hospice, and if he wants that path of not recovering, I understand and support him, but if he wants to live and get his life back (like he had been stating he wanted during recovery) that he needs to speak up to someone to get him to the specialty hospital. I never heard back from him - not even sure if he got the message. I live like a thousand miles away by the way, so I couldn't just go in person. He died a few days later.

I truly believe that he died because of the decisions my mom made. The timing was too perfect - right after father's day, so that she gets extra sympathy and attention. Right before her annual by-herself vacation, which she still gladly went on. It was just too inconvenient for her to take care of him. I feel like she murdered him. My husband feels the same.

There's more to it than just this, but I'm already rambling a lot. I can't get over it. I can't forgive her. I do not want to see her again. It kills me that my siblings do not seem to notice what she did, or that she is a narcissist. Our entire lives have been all about her, from the beginning. I'm the only one who has broken away and escaped her craziness.

My stepdad was a good man. He was the only parent I have that actually told me he was proud of me. I wish I could've done more to save him. If my own husband were in that situation, I would be there every day. I would do every possible thing I could to keep him alive (unless he explicitly told me not to, which was not the case here).

Don't really even know why I'm posting. Just needed to let it out somewhere, and letting it out anonymously to people I don't know seems best. Maybe I'm crazy and she didn't do anything wrong, but "I won't do that" and "What's the point?" among other comments just keep echoing.!<

Anyway - food is farro with chicken thighs and leeks.

Narcissist mom and her actions