Had a really busy but good day that ended with a hard meltdown.

The day didn't start off too well, it started in the morning I went to breakfast with my gf and it was a new place and I didn't know what to order, after I did I wasn't happy with my choice. I was a little bummed about that I don't know why, the coffee that we ordered was delicious but I didn't ask for decaf and it was a latte so they use expressoo. I also took two sips and then it fumbled out of my hands and splashed all over the floor and got everyone's attention. I have a very low caffeine tolerance, a short time later after they made me a new one I was on the verge of a panic attack and tried to laugh it off and walk around, didn't work. I tried my tea that makes me calm, didn't work.

We went to a Dodger game later that night, I hadn't been since I was a kid so i asked my gf how loud it was, she said it's not bad so I brought my noise cancelling headphones instead of my earmuffs, big big mistake. Just the shuttle to the stadium was overwhelming and so incredibly loud, pressing my headphones harder on my ears makes it work better but it sucked. It was hot and humid, and so many people chaotically walking in every direction, the seats were cramped and the people directly behind me were so loud and whistled every 5 minutes. The music they play rumbles in my ears and up my back I hate it. I tried my best to enjoy the game and I do like it even though I was extremely uncomfortable. I did however make huge milestones for myself to not mask how I was feeling and use my stim toy and rock if I had to, I also snap my fingers a lot when I'm walking around it helps keep me focused and calm. So I learned a lot from this experience and I would try again if she wanted to go back, she loves baseball so I want to be with her, I would just of course be a lot more prepared this time.

I started melting down on the way home it took us almost an hour to get on the shuttle back to our cars and dealing with the night heat was horrible. 20 minutes on the freeway I feel my body start to relax and then I just start crying hard out of nowhere, but with no tears like I feel like I'm crying but nothing is coming out. A few minutes later the fists start flying into my head, I tried so hard not to but I couldn't help it. Usually I can kind of control it and hold back a little but this was the first time in a long time it felt truly compulsive. My gf told me to squeeze her hard as hard as I could and I just felt my arm would just jerk like it was trying to hit me still, and it did for awhile. I'm glad I left the house and had an adventure and spent time with my gf doing something she really loves to do. It was just so much I put my body through and I had never really felt the compulsiveness during a meltdown like that before, but I feel like I'm really getting a sense of my limits though.