AITAH for not wanting my partners daughter in our home?

I (34F) and partner (36M) have been together for 5 years. He has 2 children. He had started to date the childrens mom when she was already pregnant from a previous relationship who had walked out on her on finding out she was pregnant. After his step daughter was born they later had his son. They split up about 6 years ago.

When I first met him, he told me the situation with his daughter and I thought how lovely it was that, even though he was not the biological farther, he would still have her on weekends, outings, holidays etc. But at the time, she didn't know the situation.

We started dating and I loved both of his children.

Until one day, we received a call from the childrens mom furious that her daughter had come home and claimed that I had grabed her and yanked her in the supermarket for no reason. We were both baffled. Not only is that not in my nature, but I am also a qualified youth worker.

We thought about it more and we realised that she was referring to the time we were in a store and she had been winding her brother up to the point that it was really upsetting him. My partner was trying to pay and was getting very flustered, so I had gently taken both of there hands knelt down and spoke to them calmly.

We confronted her about this and after about 30 min of her repeating what she had said, she finally admitted what had really happend.

This behaviour has continued over the years, from saying I have hit her, pushed her down the stairs, screamed at her, threatened her and so on.

This is not the only thing that has happend. She has attacked her brother and (her mom has had another child with her new partner) and she has attacked them as well, even though they are just a baby.

She has also lied about her mom, her moms partner, my partner and both her nans.

She has also stolen multiple times from us such as money, jewelry, vapes, headphone, and will "hide" things such as phones and some of my equipment (which I have worked hard for and is part of the day to day run of my business).

Included in all of this, she has been caught sending...certain types of pictures of herself to other people her age, searching inappropriate content on the Internet, set up dating profiles with heavily filtered pictures saying she is older than she is.

She has also wrongly accused 2 people of SA...and you can imagine what the people involved went through with accusations such as these.

When we moved into our home, we had to get cams in our house, locks on our room, my room where I run my business from, I would keep my pets away from her, hid anything we thought she might steal, break, use to harm, vapes, vape juices etc.

I have watched her manipulate, betray and hurt everyone around her. I have seen my partner become so upset by her behaviour, he has cried and...the only way I can describe it is, "aged" right infront of me. It had caused arguments between me and my partner, her mom and her partner, us with them and my partners mom and myself. Because of either the lies she had told or the way that us as parents or step parents choose deal with the situation.

We have tried everything, we have not taken her out (but then has been treated by my partners mom), we have given her a simple phone so she can't send pics or use social media (his mom bought her an android), we have grounded her (but his mom will take her out despite what we have all agreed).

The lack of empathy she has as well is unbelievable. We have a friend who has a terminally ill child under 2, when she found out this news (she does know the child and the parents), her response was a shrug followed by, "is that it?" And that hurt far more than you could imagine.

After another incident a few months back, my partner has not spoken to her until they went on a family holiday.

My partner is now suggesting that she starts coming over again, and I am 100% against this.

We have had a much more peaceful life, we don't have to have cams on, we don't have to lock everything up, we're not on edge, we don't have be careful what we say, neither of us want to be left alone with her in fear she may accuse us of something, which means this cuts off our social life as well. We can't go to friends houses because know one trusts her in thier home (they are fine with his son as he is no trouble at all). His son has said that he likes having the break from her and we have more fun and do more when she is not here.

I have noticed how much his sons has grown in confidence recently and we have a much better bond now than we ever have done before.

I do not want to give up this life that we now have and to have to go back to being on edge every weekend.

And I don't want his some going back to being shy, frustrated, having things taken from him and being pushed around by her.

His mom says I am being unreasonable and controlling of both my partner and his step daughter, "dictating" when he can and cannot see her.

If you've made it this far, thank you and I would greatly appreciate your input.

AITAH?