I regret not having declined drugs when they were offered

I was diagnosed with BPD about 1½ years ago and suddenly felt super lonely, like nobody in my social circle could even imagine what it is like and it shattered me.

So I started texting with that guy I met on Hinge (yeah yeah bad dating app, I don't use them anymore dw) and he had BPD as well and I was immediately like "be my best friend please" and basically asked him how he handled it.

Long story short, he took amphetamines and raved about how they helped so much in his daily life, that he's like actually functional (I think he also had some other mental health problems) and eventually he offered me some.

I had to think about it, because as a good girlie drugs were never even a concept of me taking them, but it sounded so tempting but alas I declined. Funniest part is I didn't even decline because of possible side effects and all the bad stuff you hear about drugs in general (back then when I didn't even know what amphetamines even did), I declined because I just knew I would get hooked and eventually pay a shit ton of money that I didn't have on drugs. I also cut contact with that guy.

Fast forward to now, I regret it so badly. It's only really gotten worse, not only the BPD but also a lot of other things I've going on. I just wish I had literally anything to make it easier and I feel like this was my ticket out and I threw it away. And yes I've never actually tried it, but he and also a lot of people here are raving about how it helps them, so it can't be that bad right? I just wish I would've accepted it, yes I would've been even more broke than I'm right now anyways, but at least I would've been at slightly more ease and broke.