I need to say this C to D

D When we where together I really did cherish and still do every moment we had and wish that there was more to be had. I know it's easy to feel that I was idolizing you but in all honesty I just don't know any other way to show how much I was crazy about you and I see very clearly that it would look like I was acting like you were a trophy. The fact of the matter is you were everything that I could ever think of in a woman that I would ever want and that is hard for me to express to others without it sounding bad. You know how when you're a kid you have items toys or clothes or Electronics that if anybody were to take them from you or even borrow them for an hour you would be upset you don't want to ever part with certain items well I don't think of you as an item but I had a really hard time partying with you every time you would go back home and I was left up here working as I was doing way too much I hated that time when we would not be together and you tried you stayed at the shop when it was cold and when nobody else would want to be there and I wasn't even paying much attention to you cuz I was working but you were there and I noticed that and I cherished it . All I wanted to do was get ahead of the bills just all my money into a life for us but we were so fresh together I don't think you understood that I was working to make a better life for us to be able to have more time together and as fresh as our relationship was I can see easily how it looked like neglect I wasn't perfect and I often was so tired that I looked like I was grumpy and I said things to you that made you feel like you were troublesome and I didn't mean it that way the fact of the matter was I just couldn't make it through each day easily without having you by my side. One of the things that I have had issues with my whole life is what I am trying to project as my feelings towards a person and what is interpreted and seen by others not lining up very well. When I bought you shoes it was because your feet felt cold when I put gas in your car and washed it it was because it was looking worn and the gas was not in a comfortable Zone for the person I care about to be driving and I tried to make sure all the little things that one would need day-to-day worth waiting for you so you didn't have to go the store and get them each day I loved being able to do that for you. The one thing that I really regret is ever drinking did it in celebration of things but I've never liked who I am drinking and I haven't had anything to drink since you left I do not plan to even if I never see you again.

I know I got run on sentences I know my grammar is atrocious so before the naysayers put any comments on here know that I have been very heavy-hearted and tears flowing the entire time I wrote this and I probably haven't even been able to truly get my sentiments projected. So let me just say this in conclusion I could have done better I don't think I could have at that time in my life seen it because I really felt like I was doing the best I could but life's about lessons if you don't learn from them what's the point. I have long ago forgiven you for all the things that you did I just wish there'd be a day when that could be considered for me there are things that I can't apologize for because it apology doesn't do it justice all I can say is I would never in a million years do them again and I am appalled at my actions and I do take full responsibility and for what it's worth from the bottom of my heart I am sorry.