My mother now hates my boyfriend as he got his tongue split.

Hi all, I’m looking for some advice on how to deal with this situation. I F20, and my boyfriend M21 travelled to another country recently to have his tongue split procedure done in a country where it is legal and safe. We went for a week, as that was not the sole reason we went travelled, as we wanted to explore the city, visit a renowned museum and my boyfriend wanted to visit a specific tattoo artist also, so there were a multitude of reasons.

We get back, and my mum sees his tongue and immediately when he is gone absolutely flips out on me saying things like ‘this is mutilation, it’s disgusting and makes me feel sick’ and lots of other iterations of this. She then in turn, bans him from being in our house which I was fine with as he lives alone and also she pays the bills as I am a full time student with only a part time job, so it is her entitlement.

She then began to say things like ‘this will drive a wedge between us, I don’t want you to have all of this stress’ and I said it doesn’t have to be like that, he can have his own choice on body mods and you can have your opinion on them. She said she would get angry if I went to his house, yet he is not allowed here, so I’m not sure how to manage this as I don’t want a screaming and shouting match with her every time I see him, however I would not like to not see my boyfriend and jeopardise the relationship because of this. Other comments she made include ‘I would have never had imagined you with someone like that, and started saying that I must have wires crossed in my head to find someone like that attractive and support his behaviour. She asked me if I would cut an animals tongue in half, and I explained that is entirely different as animals cannot consent. She said it was the same thing. I disagree.

She then demanded his phone number to contact him and speak with him about this herself. I’m not sure why, however I refused as I do not want him to be the recipient of her opinions as they obviously clash drastically and I feel this would create more drama. I told her he can do what he wants, and she can think what she wants but she cannot control someone else. She was berating me for ‘enabling’ his behaviour (getting the mod done) and supporting him with it. The truth is I am very neutral about it and don’t really care about it, I would never get it done myself however I barely see his tongue and it really does not bother me.

She is adamant the stress of this and me continuing to see him will drive her and I apart and she doesn’t want this stress to affect me, however she seems to be causing it. I did not mention to her that my boyfriend was getting this done whilst we were away, as I know she doesn’t like these things, she says all of the trust between us is broken now, but I knew this would happen however not to this extent.

I am at a loss for words at this situation and advice on how to handle this would be very helpful. I feel so sick from the anxiety and I know if I continue to see him this will affect the relationship between my mother and I. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now and I hold him very dear as I feel he is the kindest man I have ever met and so polite, sweet etc.

Thanks