UPDATE: I gave my AP space while his dad was hospitalized and he finally texted back

EDIT: I do find the change in tone / responses that I received (publicly and privately) between my two posts interesting.

When I didn’t know whether he was coming back, I was given the advice repeatedly to not wait around, that I might be getting slow-faded, and that I was completely within my rights to talk to other people. Now that he came back and his explanation appears suspicious but genuine, suddenly talking to other people while I was in limbo is a “party foul” and apparently means I viewed him as replaceable.

The information and communication I have today did not exist when I made those decisions. I didn’t know if he was coming back, and we had never agreed to exclusivity. I can understand someone personally saying they would have waited longer, that’s fair. What I don’t understand is retroactively assigning me a relationship rule that neither of us had ever established and then judging me for breaking it (or not).

Him coming back doesn’t suddenly make what I knew then different. And talking to other people didn’t erase the fact that I cared about him, worried about him, or wanted him back.

OG POST:

I posted a few days ago because this is my first AP and I wasn’t sure whether I was handling this situation correctly. His father had been seriously injured in a car accident, had surgery, and my AP had gone out of state to be with him.

I told him his focus needed to be on his family, that I wasn’t expecting him to entertain me or keep me constantly updated, and that I’d be here when he got back or if he needed someone to talk to. I also said I’d check in periodically. Then I basically heard nothing from him after Friday.

I’m not going to lie, by Tuesday I was really starting to second-guess everything. Part of me was worried something had happened, and another part was wondering whether I was being quietly pushed away. A few people on my original post warned me that could be what was happening, while others told me to give him space and let him come back when he was able.

Well, he finally contacted me yesterday.

Apparently his backup phone had been completely dead for about three days. The regular charger wasn’t working, he was basically living at the hospital dealing with his dad, and he didn’t have the time or ability to go deal with the phone. His dad was discharged at the beginning of the week, and by midweek he went and bought a wireless charger, got enough battery to turn the phone on, and immediately explained what had happened.

His dad is home now. He’s weak, exhausted and in a lot of pain, but he’s okay. And he will be back. Just is unsure as to when.

What actually meant a lot to me was that my AP acknowledged that he knew I was probably worried while he was unreachable. He apologized for leaving me hanging and told me that it had been bothering him knowing I might be worrying about him. He also told me he missed talking to me too.

We ended up talking again today, both normally and flirtatiously 😂, and he reiterated something he’d told me before: he genuinely enjoys our friendship and talking to me, and the sexual attraction between us is a bonus rather than the entire reason he wants me in his life.

So I guess this is my little lesson from my first real AP crisis: sometimes silence really does just mean someone has serious shit happening in their real life.

I’m glad I gave him room instead of blowing up his phone, although I definitely learned that the uncertainty is harder than I expected. I care about him more than I realized until I suddenly couldn’t talk to him.

And for everyone who told me, essentially, “leave the door open, let him handle his family, and let him come back to you” you were right. ❤️

I’m also glad I checked in occasionally, because I didn’t want “giving him space” to accidentally become “disappearing on him when something awful happened.”

First AP experience continues to be one hell of a learning curve. 😂