Seeking an enemy

Good morning all. Unfortunately, years of peace and harmony have appeared to inhibit my personal growth. Consequently, I am now looking for an enemy. Interested applicants would be asked to participate in a yearly contest. Contests would be in an agreed upon format and can be mental or physical in nature. Ideally the chosen contest would be selected so that neither party has an unfair advantage. The goal of these contests would be to test each participants will, ingenuity, passion, and dedication. Parties will respect major holidays and periodically collaborate towards a greater good (eg helping orphans at Christmas). There will be no external rewards for these contests, only a sense of accomplishment and the right to make a victory speech with or without an accompanying song. A small boombox can be provided upon request. The defeated party will be treated with respect and have the opportunity to make a public statement one week following the contest. In that statement the defeated party may propose the next yearly contest. I welcome discussion of, and collaboration towards determining, any additional parameters or procedures. Serious applicants only.