I (34M) might be demisexual — sexual attraction as a guy confused me

I'll try to keep it as short as I can. I see other writing hella longs posts. I did the same last night, lol, then deleted. Tbh, I think it may be a sign of neurodivergence.

Bare with me, I'm going to start off sounding like an allosexual bro, but there are reasons.

The most confusing part to me was truly understanding what sexual attraction not just meant but what it feels like. I watch porn, it makes me horny, and I orgasm. I see a hot girl at the gym, I can imagine what she may look like naked, and even imagine going down on her or literally shoving my face in her butt. I will even feel a tingling sensation sometimes in my crotch.

I know that doesn't sound demisexual, so you can only imagine my confusion.

I'm an artistic guy, so I love the aesthetics of a beautiful woman. But I learned that doesn't mean sexual attraction. With porn, I felt sexually safe and I would often if not always imagine a personality in the girl with traits that I'm emotionally attracted to. Turns out, I would do the same with gym crushes. Even more, I also realized my gym crushes are typically alternative girls and/or possibly neurodivergent girls — and I always imagine personality traits I'm emotionally attracted to, just to muster up the courage to go and talk to them. Because as a guy, I have to be the one to approach — here is where I really learned more about the feeling of sexual attraction.

Using the digital AI machines, I learned that when allosexual men are sexually attracted to a woman, they feel an almost-magnetic, physical pull of their bodies wanting to go towards that woman and physically touch/rub their body with theirs. I have never felt that. Hence why I have to imagine personality traits to feel some motivation to approach, again because it's a guy's job to still do so.

As for me imagining myself putting my face into a woman's crotch/butt — notice how I specifically only imagine going down on her, there's a reason. I already love going down on a woman, it's super intimate/emotional to me, and I love making her feel good because that keeps turning me on. It's like a sexy loop of emotions.

Also, here are a few quick points about my self that may indicate demisexuality:

• In high school I went on a date with the hottest volleyball girl — instant turn off after I found her too boring for my taste

• I only had 1 sexual partner and lost my virginity at 27

• I always crushed on some female friends, not all

• Some girls that I liked, were not always the most "conventionally" attractive women, I just loved that they were smart and funny

• I passed on most women attracted to me, I feel many allosexual guys would still have sex with them

• I always used the term "slow burn" to describe myself before realizing its common for demis

• Some women have thought I was gay or one good friend of mine thought I was asexual

• As a teen I learned the term "demisexual" and felt I fit that, but confused recognizing aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction

• Never felt like "one of the guys"

• I thought simply acknowledging a girl being hot meant sexual attraction

• I can build some instant attraction with a girl after talking to her, but to feel sexually safe with her it can take months and by then, because she's usually a friend, the stakes of rejection are unfathomable

• I want to be lustful but only with a woman I like

TLDR; I confused aesthetic beauty + imagined personality traits I found attractive + sexual arousal meant immediate sexual attraction — but learned that sexual attraction is more of a physical "magnetic/gravitational pull" towards another person, which I only feel with a girl I already know and like