Venting my feelings about my mother.

Assalamualaikum sisters.

I (22F) have a lot of things to say since i don't have any one to share around me. But still i will try to make it as short as possible.

So the thing is that since I was 15, i have been very inclined towards abaya and hijab. I started to learn the concept of mahram and non mahram .

But my mother doesn't like it and wouldn't allow me to wear it .My mother moved to a different state in 2022 and i was living with my father, that gave me an opportunity to start wearing abaya and hijab. Every time I would talk to my mother on the phone , she would show her disappointment, but my father told me to do what my heart says, i did that.

Now fast forward to last year , i wanted to start the niqab. My mother allowed me to wear it every where except at family gatherings , weddings , functions . I agreed to that.

I am a full time niqabi when i live with my father

and non niqabi when i live at my mother's house. She is looking for a potential for my marriage. She thinks if nobody is able to see me at functions and gatherings, how will somebody choose me for their son. I look very mid (average) so she keeps telling me to do nice makeup and hairstyle at every function, just so some aunty can choose me for their son.

Not being able to wear niqab and sit with non mahrams in full makeup and nicely dressed always filled me with regret. But I can't help it .

Now last month i turned 22, and i decided to fully embrace the niqab.

I told my mother that nobody has shown interest in me despite trying to look my best at every wedding invite and also that i will be held accountable on the day of judgement.

She got mad at me but I still stood my ground.

3 days ago , we had a wedding invite. I didn't wanted to go but my father and mother forced me to.

I told my father that will be in full niqab and he didn't mind at all, but told me to not tell my mother about it.

I went to the wedding wearing niqab , i ate with my niqab on and even though it was mentally difficult dealing with relatives who were constantly trying to convince me to take my niqab off and also seeing every one looking beautiful and i was looking like a black tent , i told myself that i am doing this for Allah.

Now when i came back home, mother started asking about the wedding and she figured it out that I was wearing my hijab and abaya, she got mad and asked me if i was wearing niqab too , i lied saying that i wore it for some time and then took it off while eating, but that was enough for her to get mad at me .

She stopped calling me. Even when I call ,she isn't talking to me properly, told me i look like a

joker in niqab and forbade me to attend any family gatherings and parties in future.

She has also told me in the past that she wouldn't marry me to someone religious or anyone who wants a hijabi wife and will choose someone who likes partying and doesn't bother about mahrams and non mahrams. Even though i have expressed to her many times that i want someone who doesn't have a problem with hijab and niqab.

All these is affecting me badly and i feel like i am slipping into depression.

I have to go to her house in oct for the next 2 months and I am already dreading it.

How to deal with this?

sorry for my english. it isn't my first language