THIS IS VERY LONG IM SORRY!! how long did it take you to get over your ex?

How long did it take you to get over them?
Btw I’m 17F and I’ve dealt with this since I was 14!

It’s been 3 months I know not a long amount of time but for us that’s a mile stone ( we were on and off for 3 years with each other and the longest we’d go with each other is like a week or 2 max) and she was such a red flag even my own mom laughed when I told her I rejected her again when she tried to come back. I just hate feeling this way, sometimes we’ll flirt and I’ll regret it then distance myself bc I’d feel bad blocking but I’m starting to feel like I should go no contact.

There’s so many reasons why I shouldn’t even like her and I’ll list a few

\- she would ignore me without explaining anything
\- she then would get defensive and mad whenever I’d be upset bc she made me feel upset then ignore me.

\- she was my main cause for a panic attack once and instead of her staying on the call with me so I can focus on my breathing and stuff she quite literally hung up on me and ignored me for hours so I ignored her back and she ended up regretting declining in my face.

I have a lot of trauma from falling off the bed or getting pushed off the bed not even as a joking way, she did it and now I have a scar down my spine and my back has started to hurt so bad to the point I can’t even lie down flat on my back for a long time anymore even tho that’s how I always slept.

\- I communicated with her that some of the stuff she did was hurting me and she never listened she kept doing it over and over and over and over again.

\- she left me over 5 times this year and I have no idea why I kept coming back, the things you do for “love” is actually insane.
\- she broke up with me after my appendix had to get removed so like 3/4 days after my surgery she broke up with me and was arguing with me when I was IN THE HOSPITAL ALL BC ONE OF MY GUY FRIENDS CAME TO VISIT ME& she was jealous ( im a lesbian)
And I’ve known the dude longer than her but okay!

\- one time she said she didn’t want to see me i said okay that’s fine and was giving her a heads up that im going to go out with the guy that came visit me at the hospital & she had the audacity to say “have fun with your bf” again im a lesbian. We broke up on that exact same day 3 months ago.

\- she’s tried to come back around 3 times this month and ive said no bc she destroyed me entirely ( yet she doesn’t believe that she wasn’t THATTT bad)

\- she never asked me to go out I was the one to ALWAYS ask, we always had sleepovers at MY house and I’ve went to her house maybe like 3/4 times but never for a sleepover, her own mom said she does feel guilty bc i never go to their house but her mom wanted her to clean her room abit ( see im not judging bc i can be messy myself but im really big on hygiene and she refused to clean bc she pretty much didn’t want to see me) I’ve also had to remind her to wash her hands once and that disgusts me anywho

\- moral of the story WHY DO I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER.