I feel like idk how to maintain friendships after seeing how awkward it is with a new friend/classmate I attempted to befriend

I [18F] feel like I am bad at maintaining friendships. I don't know how to, and I am not sure if what I did is right. I usually come up to them to ask for opinions, but I'll try to talk to them if I am not overwhelmed or tired or have a lot in my mind. I am the one usually waiting for them to talk to me about things they want to talk about to me. Sometimes, I usually force myself or want something to push me to talk to them to satisfy my curiosity that has been resting on the back of my mind.

I feel awkward. I feel like I am not doing it right. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it felt off when I talked to them. I am not sure what to identify that particular emotion; overwhelmed? Anxious? Guilt? Pity? Nervous? Boredom? Frustrated? I will never know. All I know is that I hate being treated like a doormat and only want to be friends to those who will actually treat me as one. I really just want to be self-perservative and hypervigilent; to protect my autonomy that it almost feels like I am having trust issues. But it feels like it has cost me to distant myself from those I am interested in platonically, and I don't know how to bridge when it feels very awkward to.

Another thing I feel insecure about is how I talk. I usually and bluntly ask questions, that's it. It feels like an interview, and I don't even know how to make jokes, do something they are interested in, or initiate to discuss something. I only know how to around my siblings [16/M and 10/F], but not with people I admire or am interested in platonically. I know how to banter or be a mischievous shithead around my siblings, but not those who I haven't known long enough to let my guard down and treat them as that.

For the demographic, I feel like men are much easier to talk to (despite the chances of then "liking" me romantically and sexually, which I am after and do dislike. Also, the fact of different values and ideologies). I struggle to be feminine with makeup, clothes, and what manwha I read (I dislike BL and GL so much to just how romanticized and fetishized they are that it feels weird and uncomfortable to read) to fit in with other women, I am only interested in drawing and creating characters. But I usually struggle with making friends with those on the same hobby, too. I feel like a doormat when I listen to their character's stories. They wouldn't ask about mine, only focused on themselves and their own weight. Sure, it is interesting. But only for a while before it becomes repetitive.

TLDR; I feel like I am shit at friendships from how I talk and the decisions I make that it's making me question myself and ask for other's opinions on what I did wrong.