Trying to Fix Myself and Our Relationship. Advice Needed Please

I [59M] became neurologically disabled ten years ago. It's been a long journey for me, my (57F) partner, and our 13yo child.

Very occasionally, I have had episodes of anger that can be very not OK, not only as a human, but as someone who otherwise is very supportive of women and others.

We all know this "isn't me" and after the last event, we very nearly called it quits after >20 years together. We're otherwise quite committed to each other and neither of us wants to decouple, but we both recognize it may have to be done for the good of the family.

I am in abuse counseling and seeking psych care. We are warm around each other. We care but we are stuck for the moment and that's OK.

What I want to ask is, what can I do to make amends that isn't an extravagant display? That seems like an abuse-cycle thing to do and I want to avoid such things.

Obviously this will all take time and we're not rushing anything. Our family stability depends on my own, and that will take time to demonstrate I can be a trusted friend, partner, and father again.

Any tips out there?