Life as an HSP doesn’t seem to be easy at times…

Head up: English isn’t my native language!

After reading a book on HSP it feels like everything is coming together.

In the beginning of 2025 I got diagnosed with GAD and social anxiety with some traits of autism. I was 100% I had autism so the GAD and social anxiety was a huge disappointment. I went to therapy and got help to work with my traumatic childhood which was both physically and later on mentally abusive. My parents were the ones abusing me. My parents divorced when I was 22 and I lived at home at that time. I chose to live with my mum since I didn’t have the funds to get my own place. She kept on abusing me mentally during time I lived with her. I thought she wanted what was best for me but she was manipulating me the whole time. Every relationship I had with other persons were under my mother’s scrutiny.

After I got my diagnosis I felt that something was off still. I worked on my anxiety with therapy, got rid of some ways I managed my anxiety that had led to obsessions. About a year after I stopped going to therapy things have become worse. Once a week the anxiety reaches completely new levels, to the point where I felt I needed something to numb the anxiety, either by hurting myself or some other way. I don’t drink alcohol and haven’t done it for years but my mind was lingering on that but then I wouldn’t be able to drive.

I feel that my HSP and anxiety is getting to the point where it’s ruining my relationship with my fiancé. We’ve been together for 9 years and for the first time in a very long time I’ve considered to leave him. We’ve been living together for about 8 years but I thought about going away, everything was too much, the home, the dog, everything was too much and I thought everyone would be better off if I went away for a while. I even had made a plan of where to go, how I would manage everything with work, cooking, laundry, everything. But when I asked him he admitted that my mental health was taking a toll on him but he didn’t want me to live somewhere else.

I currently don’t take any medications, and I don’t want to take any medications for my anxiety, I want to be ok and live my life without medication. I’ve taken medication before and it helped me but it wasn’t anything I wanted to use long term. I’ve sought help to see a therapist but it takes time sometimes and during that time I try to take one day per week to decompress and rest (or at least a couple of hours per day), read a book or do something that pleases me. I’ve set limits on my phone for social media so minimise doom scrolling which prevented me from listening to my body and mind.