Sole parents- please help

Background: My amazing and involved husband passed away very unexpectedly in the spring, leaving me with our two babies (ages 3 and 1). I know I need to give myself some grace, allow myself to grieve our life and my love, and take things day by day. I'm in therapy and grief counseling. 

Before all this, I was an attuned and compassionate parent. But I am no longer the mother I have longed to be my entire life. When both kids need me at the same time, I feel like a failure. I know they say put the baby in a safe place to shower/do what I need to do, but when she cries the whole time, I want to crawl in a hole and stay there. I can't stand it. Sometimes I am so touched out that I have to tell my 3-year-old to stop touching me. I've yelled and been so insensitive, irritable, and straight up mean to her. I can't stand myself. 

I have a little help now and then, but at the end of the day, I need to figure out how to do this by myself. I need help from other sole parents and single moms/dads who have successfully figured out attached and attentive parenting. How do I give the toddler a bath without leaving the baby to cry? How do I handle bedtime for both? (Currently co-sleeping with baby, toddler sleeps in own room but needs me to lay with her).

I'm so lost. Trying to navigate this while dealing with the immense grief I feel seems too much. Any words of wisdom or practical tips are so appreciated.