Feels like the only thing that could help me

Context:
I am 25 years old, clinically depressed/schizophrenic/bpd, and feel like shit and have been for the past couple years. Meds/lifestyle changes have had little effect.

Anti-psych meds, and SSRIS do not react so well for me, so just on Vraylar/capylta currently. Vraylar basically makes me an emotional brick with the trade off of not being manic

I have been planning to run 200mg (unperscribed) testosterone weekly for 20 weeks (possibly forever) to mainly see the mental differences of where I am at now. While I am an avid/consistent lifter of 5 years now, and love anything physical/sports related, the main goal of this "cycle" if you can even call it that is to see the differences in my mental. I want to see if my drive, my confidence, anxiety, all that, could potentially be helped with testosterone.

My main two questions are this:
Anyone who started younger, was it worth it? I know if this does end up helping my mental, I probably won't come off. The bloodwork, the health problems, the mental differences, the pinning, the fertility suppression, I know are all things that come with this lifestyle, so in your experience, has it been worth it?

If I were to encounter some health problem, which I doubt on 200mg/weekly but you never know, how likely am I to recover if I pct off via (Nolvadex for PCT, HCG last 10 weeks of the cycle)? I am assuming its very individual but would still appreciate any experiences with this.

I plan to do it by the books, bloodwork, all that. Just wanted some advice, especially from those struggling mentally or those who may be younger.

Pre cycle bloods for anyone interested:
Testosterone, total = 380 ng/dl
Testosterone, free = 60 pg/ml
Estradiol = 7 pg/ml
FSH = 4.1 mIU/mL
LH = 3.9 mIU/mL
SHBG = 25 nmoles/L
Prolactin = 10.5 ng/mL
HDL: 51 mg/dl
LDL: 85 mg/dl

6'2, 185lbs, probably around 13-15% BF (untested, not entirely sure on the BF)