Update: “My father refuses to get medical treatment because he wants to die.”

Hi all, I figured I would give an update here on that last post I made. I typically don’t do updates, but I did want to profusely thank everyone who mentioned hospice and palliative care. When I started to think about helping him go peacefully instead of keeping him alive, without pain, I was a lot less stressed.

I did a lot of research and was able to call my mom and calmly talk to her about everything I read, why I was doing this, reiterated her words, “I want him to die with dignity,” and said I could have someone come to evaluate him. I asked her to have him think about it and it’s a yes or a no, not a “whatever you want to do.”

The next morning, I woke up, my mom said dad was at the hospital. In the last week, he’s gotten stuck three times and my mom had to call 911 because she couldn’t help him up. Twice in the bathroom, which is very small, and once on their basement stairs. Not gonna lie, I did wonder if he was going to try and throw himself down.

I got to the hospital after taking care of some work and kid stuff. He was immediately, “get me the fuck out of here,” and angry after I was told how “sweet he is.” He has a kidney injury, necrosis in the foot (it looks way worse than the pics my mom sent me) and cellulitis in his right leg. The doctor told him without surgery, it’ll get worse. My dad refuses.

I was able to get the doctor aside and fill him in. My dad angrily (without knowing what I said) confirmed everything I shared in his “friendly” way. The doctor wanted to get psych to evaluate him and he said something along the lines of, “I don’t trust those fucking idiots.”

He’s still waiting to be admitted for his kidney but he has denied surgery and most medications. I am going later today but I plan on taking over the finances to make sure that they are okay. After finding out their property taxes were a year behind… I also don’t think he can be discharged if my mom cannot physically help him.

Again, to everyone who suggested hospice, thank you. I am hoping he can get palliative care and pass peacefully, or as peaceful as this angry man can.