Mom doesn't want to accept that something is wrong

No advice wanted. I already accepted the fact na my Mom will never change but I still get hurt every time we fight and wished she was someone who cares for me emotionally. I just want to get this off my chest.

So, there is something that is obviously wrong with our Family. My brother and father never got along. My brother sexually harassed me when I was younger (I never really understood it at that time) gang obviously the common pattern na lumabas ung trauma ko as I got older, and a lot of other things.

I wished my mom protected me from my Brother and my emotionally abusive Father.

I blame my parents till this day for not helping at all emotionally. For not seeing na I struggled and the effect it has on me now.

I believe na it's right to forgive pero forgiveness is given to people who "asks" for it, I will never forgive people who continue to hurt me. I will never accept that kind of disrespect.

They were never my safe space. I once told my mom na I had depression and she dismissed it, never asked me if I am okay now. Na da. She would just bring up her struggles with my dad instead na parang we "her kids" never struggled. As if we had the mental and emotionally capacity back then to understand. Na parang siya lang nag suffer.

She would blame us if we acted similarly to our Father (hot headed) while she never really did anything to protect us when we were young. She never talked to us about the situation rather she continue to rant every single time bout our father. She would say "tong tatay mo ganto, ganyan" instead of "how are you anak?"

I opened up bout me not wanting marriage cause of her own marriage and will just laugh at it. She doesn't try to understand "why". Baket? Ano ba naging effect non samin. Di man nya kinonsider yon. I hate na she basically wants me to "magtiis" lang. Accept a toxic relationship, and call it a marriage. Have a kid na I don't really want and stay in a marriage just because we said "I do's". I don't want any of that. She's treating marriage na sobrang sacred and something I should want without her considering the effects her marriage caused my view of it. I already talked to her about this and obviously, mababa EQ. Wala daw syang kasalanan. Can't really do anything bout it.

I'm not really blaming her for all those things. I just want her to understand na I struggled too and I am still struggling. I want her to tell me na "Ganto pala na feel mo nung time na yon" instead of "wala akong kasalanan, kaugali ka ng tatay mo"

I want to hear her say "you did great" instead of "baket eto lang?"

It's annoying to talk to her na I snapped every time. Burned out na ako sa kanya. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and I can never imagine not having her in my life pero at the same time.

But, I just need a mom.

Nakakainggit ung nakakaconfide sila sa parents nila bout their problems. I wished I had one too. Nakakapagod.