Alone everywhere i go

Sometimes it really gets to me- it’s hard befriending girls organically in a new environment and I am sexualised by every man that tries to speak to me, so I simply don’t trust them and keep a huge distance from them. If they don’t find me attractive, they don’t find value speaking to me at all. I’m in this country and city until the end of the month and it’s really getting to me, that I am fully on my own, my life is going to shit, and it’s not looking like it’s going to get better anytime soon. In my hometown I have about 3 friends, dating is hella trash. Here I even uninstalled dating apps so they don’t annoy me because I don’t want my trip to turn sour.

I don’t know what to do with myself, I am interested in people but people are not reciprocating, unless it’s men who want to sleep with me. I’m also still not where I want to be with my weight, gaining weight is such a humbling experience and it’s hard to fully go back. I can not feel good in my skin when i look like this although i lost atleast a bit. I feel like my existence is cursed. It all used to be different for me when I was skinny and younger. I never felt this alone