My (M37) partner (F34) of nearly 10 years ghosted me immediately after moving to a new city.

She’d take advantage of the sex, the support, the kindness, the love and care that I had for her. I still can’t believe the choices she’d make. How selfish they’d be, how indifferent and inconsiderate they were for someone she’d been with for nearly 10 Years.

She’d leave to go stay with family for 6+ Months and not give me an inch of contact or communication, she’d say it was “space” that she needed.

I’d mail her Christmas gifts, Birthday Gifts, care-packages because I knew she was sad, stressed and depressed between work, family and our own issues we’d both committed to working through prior.

I’d be the patient/understanding partner and do my best to shower her with love and support, I’d go to therapy on my own time to work on anything/everything I could in her absence, believing she was doing something similar.

All the while: She knew I hated being alone in that big f\*\*\*ed up house that we’d moved across the country to be in together just 9 months earlier. She knew I’d been laid off just a few months after we’d arrived from a job I’d had for years, she knew I was interviewing everywhere and desperate to get back to work, she knew I fell down the stairs and had broken bones in my back and foot, she knew I was in the middle of repairing things with my Mom, she knew I’d sacrificed everything to make this life-changing experience with her, she knew what it cost me and was now bleeding me, she knew I was under all sorts of stress by not having the income and feeling demoralized after never making it past a second interview.

All that and she still came home one evening and blindsided me with the demise of our relationship, all for her to hop back on an a plane immediately after, never to be seen or heard from again.

Not before she’d take advantage of my desperation right before she’d leave though, she’d seize the moment everything was falling apart and attempt to make me her f\*\*\* pal, she’d even get a few f\*\*ks out of me beforehand by convincing me that our new dynamic and the complete regression of our relationship was somehow a good thing (after having already blindsided me), when it was clearly just advantageous bull•••• that’d be good for herself and the “Independence” she now needed - independence needed after moving across the country and committing to making a life with someone?

She’d used all her time away to plan her exist strategy and was quick to use it as soon as I went to reclaim my dignity by saying “No, this isn’t right” and she’d ghost me from that point on — She’d have her Mom contact me to organize all the move-out stuff, She’d have her friends come pack up our whole house, she’d be off vacationing during all of it and in the months leading to the end of our lease.

No reconciliation, she’d give me a vague lie about us getting to speak about things after the move but that would never happen, the only real explanation I’d get from her was her saying “My Mom says some couples issues just aren’t worth resolving” — (Her Mom is single by choice and prefers her independence). It was clearly just an easy and ready-made excuse she’d found while confiding to her mother about our relationship one night.

My partner was a grown 34F, which is so hard for me to believe some days, she’d use all that “space” to desensitize herself, she’d confide in her mother and soon-to-be divorced friends who I don’t blame for giving their support, but blame her for lacking all objectivity and the emotional intelligence to do the right thing with it, who used it to put ice in her veins while saying she was leaving and giving her vague response to why, who would have complete indifference, without compassion, without empathy, without reason or reconciliation. Who lied to my face and the faces of our therapist when she said she was gonna work on our issues together before we moved, issues that were manageable, issues that had real solutions and we could’ve done a lot for — I know because I took it upon myself to find the solutions, research and support that would’ve seen us take steps forward together.

I feel so dumb for telling her how much I loved and missed her for all those months, for sending her gifts and letting her know I cared. Just to realize I’d actually been getting stage managed and manipulated in the end.

I’ve given up on reconciliation, I’ve given up on apologies or understanding what she was thinking when she made so many poor choices, choices that would all be at the expense of a person who was deeply in love with her but she hadn’t reciprocated in forever probably.

This whole experience set me back in so many ways, I’d never been ghosted or callously thrown away by a partner in such a jarring and cruel way. I’d suffer a legit mental breakdown after she left like that, after she’d tried to take advantage of the situation, I’d be financially, emotionally depleted, I’d have a series of terrible hardships involving family occur afterwards, I’d lose so much in trying to navigate a situation that would be impossible to resolve because of how she left it. I’d have to re-build myself from scratch after something so needlessly traumatizing and brutal. She’ll never know the half of what her choices brought down, she’ll never know the loss or consequences, she’ll never apologize or show humility for the situation that her choices contributed towards.

After a lot of painful silence and needless suffering, I’ve given up on trying to make sense of the choices she’d make. I’ve seen enough and know enough. I’ve accepted that she’s content with forgoing levels of human decency, compassion and responsibility that I’m just not. I’ve accepted that I was deeply in love and committed to someone who never intended or could reciprocate on it .

I’ve accepted that the best thing for me to do is try and forgive her by myself for it one day and show the compassion and decency I’d only wished she’d shown me to begin with.

And move on.

Yeah, Love F\*\*\*ing Sucks (Right now)