Trying to conceive for 10 months, but lacking with consistency

I have explained to my husband about my monthly cycles and fertile window, and he seems to get it but then he doesn’t, if that makes sense. When we started ttc last October, we would end up trying once or twice during my fertile window because tensions escalated. We fought and he would make hurtful comments, and this happened a few of the months, and one of them we only tried once and it was too early.

Then in March I conceived which lasted 6 weeks followed by a MC. Then soon after it my husband had an unexpected mental health emergency and we put off trying altogether for another 2 months, because he was in and out of the hospital and the focus was on his recovery. (Both of us are very active and healthy, so I expected to conceive the first 3 months we started trying although now I know being healthy doesn’t make a difference sometimes). We started trying again in late June… but have had no luck, although we’ve been more consistent and trying a great amount during my window. He’s been initiating it more often and is more motivated lately, but I still feel like it might not happen for me or that it’s not in the cards God has dealt me.

Another thing that I wanted to mention is we both recently turned 36. I feel like I’m in a gray area because many of my friends have been mothers for a long time, one even having daughters in high school. Then there are those who are having kids after 40 and who tell me we’re still young, and that we have time. It’s just been hard, between my husbands health issues, us disagreeing about it some days, the 1 year anniversary of ttc coming up, dealing with a messy mc and feeling like everybody I know who wants kids already has had them, so they don’t understand. I feel like we are alone out here, forging our way in the dark sometimes. I have so much uncertainty if I will ever be a mom - and pain in my heart too.