Notes: I want to preface this by saying I'm still a legal minor and this is a post regarding my mother, who has diagnosed BPD and ADHD, but previously has endured religious psychosis and actively experiences multiple delusions.

I have a bit of a complicated relationship with her, and I fear posting this on the subreddit "BPD loved ones", visited there once and saw how blatanly abelist it was, hence me making this post here instead as I feel her delusions, albiet her not having been diagnosed with any schizophrenic spectrum disorder and/or psychotic disorder, are still relevant to the discussion and support I seek.

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Background

So, to start of, I (17M) has noticed through the span of my childhood, and my teenage years, that my mom(57F) is not only mentally unwell, but also refuses professional help.

Her mental state worsened especially after one of my sisters(23F at the time) passed away back in 2020. I won't go into detail, but to be clear, it was a "voluntary" death.
Irrelevant, but my sister had BPD, severe social anxiety, and was an anorexic.

Her death completely broke my already unstable mother completely.

She's always struggled with delusions, but they worsened a lot, and I'm pretty sure she became victim to some grief-induced mania or psychosis afterwards. Dad convinced her to go to therapy, and for two weeks she did. But she ended quitting, like always. ugh.

Her delusions are still incredibly frequent to this day, she's so spiritual and religious while still remaining an atheist ?? She has an abnormal strict belief system that doesn't make sense to anyone besides her about people coming from mars, and Jesus having been real but he was just doing mind tricks and making people manifest their abilities back ????? No judgement, but oh my god mom what are we TALKING about.

Anywho, it resulted in me becoming a target for her bullying and different kinds of abuse. When she wasn't sober she'd rant to me about her conspiracy theories/delusions. She's always been very dependent on alcohol, but it worsened to such an extreme degree as a result of her grief, and I was 10 or 11 at the time.
— I won't go into detail, but everytime in modern day whenever I smell beer, my heart gets medically diagnosed heart palpatations and I have a tendency to become dizzy or sometimes just fully pass out for up to 4 hours at a time as a severe stress response.

Even prior to my sister dying, my mom had been unstable and taken that out on my other siblings when they were kids (36F? and 30M? Unsure of their exact ages). My sister has vented to me about specific episodes afterwards and she's very clearly shook to the point she firmly believes my mom is incapable of experiencing empathy; I disagree. My conclusion is that (based off of how she acts) she's gone without treatment for her BPD so long that she's just ogtten used to "rationalizing" every feeling of guilt away instead of taking a second, going into it, and realizing her mistake she moves on completely from the topic and pretends it never happened.

Nearly everyone (except my brother) has some sort of "agenda" against her, which I was apart of 'til I learnt more about BPD. Now, my goal is to get her help. I want to be able to see her change, and I want her to understand that she has done things that have hurt me and my siblings through our lives.

TW: Mentions of crying, begging, etc.

!I once went so far and begged her to see a psychologist or a therapist, crying my eyes out just to be met with being immediately shut down, talking about how she's her own best therapist, "she doesn't need anyone but herself", "she's her own best psychologist", "she knows herself better than anyone else", etc.!<

During that previous blurred segment, she followed it up by (albiet, still denying getting care) that with her previous psychologist/therapist, she vaguley mentioned her alcoholism having said something along the lines of "Yea, maybe I do drink a bit too much sometimes." and the therapist, instead of actually encouraging her to admit her mistake, reflect on it properly without rationalizing everything away, and realize what she's done, she called CPS and had my mom quit therapy forever, because turns out that fed into her still, active delusion about how she "knows herself best" and apparently those "filthy brain shrinkers don't know what they're doing"

TL;DR
My mother(57F) with BPD and severe delusions refuses therapy because of three factors, she rationalizes away her feelings; places blame on someone else or just completely willingly "forgets" what happened, she has spiritual delusions about knowing her

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Current issues.

I hate to admit it, but I genuinely struggle to love her. I want her to change for the better, regardless of what she's put me through. I think she deserves to at least have the opportunity to recieve help and better herself before I decide I've had enough.

But good lord, her constantly deny help from medical
professionals, the constant skepticism she has of psychologists, the mean comments she throws out at ME for GOING to therapy, the delusions she pushes onto me trying to gaslight me into believing they're real--

I'M TIRED!!!

I can't trust or even love my mom normally because all she does is hurt me, over and over again regardless of what I try to do. Even when she's so hard to love, there is a part of me that finds comfort in her. I have fond memories of us doing things together too, it's not like every second is torture.

It's just that she's so delusional, and blatanly manipulative. She does all these things that end up with me crying at my psychologists office, and the only advice I get is nearly always something along the lines of:

"If she refuses help, it's not your job as a minor to help her. She's an adult and she needs to seek out help for herself."

...
SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE NEEDS!!!* *

She's struggling so bad with delusions regarding herself and these religious/spiritual ideas to a point where it's genuinely harmful for her. Like I said earlier, I firmly believe she's been in a prologned state of grief-induced psychosis after my sister died, ESPECIALLY due to how extra spiritual she got.

I need her to get asessed for a diagnosis on the schizophrenic spectrum, or a psychotic disorder. I doubt having these severe delusions that prevent her from day to day living is exclusively a result of her BPD & ADHD.

Even I've had other medical professionals and even sometimes friends of mine practically shame MY mother, not for being abusive, but instead for her BPD diagnosis???

"You're completely justified for struggling to connect with her, she has BPD!"

"People with BPD are the worst patients. You think they're telling the truth but they're always lying."

Actual quotes I've heard. First one from a friend, second one from an actual medical professional. IF you can even call that a professional?

JUST because she's abusive does not mean anyone gets to discriminate towards her because of her disorder. My siblings, my father, and I are allowed to speak up on how her abuse has affected us, but we do NOT shame her for her disabilities.

I will admit, I do frequently bad-mouth her whenever I get frustrated over her neglecting herself, abusing me, and her mental health worsening from her refusing care, but that gives nobody the right to discriminate towards her exclusively because of her BPD, and often her delusions.

Even though I don't have BPD, it's just so incredibly hurtful that they say these things about her disorder?? Especially having had her gone through practically this "religious psychosis" these last couple of years, actively having just abnormal beliefs/harmful thought/spiritual delusions (manifestation, healing yourself through thoughts, etc.)
She just manages to hide it so goddamn well in these professional contexts, it's like she KNOWS what to say and it's horrific watching my mother just drag herself through the mud by REFUSING HELP ALL THE TIME.

My dad(68M) has talked to my stepdad(60+M) regarding getting her into therapy, and they agree they should, but absoloutely nothing ever changes. If my dad demands it, she'll tell him he's a "manipulator who's pulling strings". My stepdad mentions it? Immediately shut down and ignored.

I'm so tired of nobody stepping in to help her because god, NO ONE in this god forsaken family even TRY to help her, and it pisses me off. I want her to GET HELP. I'm 17, what the fuck am I supposed to do?? Play Minecraft and drool all over my keyboard and just hope that everything is sunshine and rainbows by the end??? I'm dependent on people in the family stepping in but they don't do ANYTHING.

And it PISSES ME OFF that people think my mom is some kind of horrific amalgamation for having BPD?? My mother is SICK. She's not a villain, she's not a monster, SHE IS SICK AND DESERVES HELP FOR HER DELUSIONS AND BPD. JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE.

I just want her to get into therapy, I want her to get help so bad it's driving me absoloutely insane. It's been years. I literally had to fully cut her off at some point because she was driving me to have meltdowns and severe episodes
of constant anxiety.

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How can, and potentially my family I make her go get the help she needs? Please.

If I can't get her help, I will have to cut her off because I cannot DO THIS ANYMORE!!! I feel so bad for admitting to this but dudes. If she makes my health worse I can't have her drag me down with her, even if I want to desperately help her that can't be at the cost of my own mental and physical health.

I'm not mad at her, I don't hate her, she's my mother and she's been through so much. I just want her to GET. HELP.

I know she has so much more to her than her BPD and her delusions, I've seen it, I want to be able to love my mom without being afraid that she'll hurt me, either it's emotionally or otherwise.