What to write to a friend having a hard week — five messages you can make your own

If you want to check on someone but keep deleting the message, start with something small and specific. You don't have to explain their situation or find a perfect thing to say.

Here are five starting points. Change the words so they sound like you, and only offer things you can follow through on.

1. When you want to check in without demanding an update

“Thinking of you today. You don't owe me an explanation of how everything is going. I just wanted to say hello.”

2. When you can offer practical help

“I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow. Would it help if I picked up a few things for you? It's completely okay to say no.”

Name the help you can actually offer. “I can bring dinner on Thursday” gives them something concrete to accept or decline.

3. When you haven't spoken in a while

“I saw something that reminded me of our terrible attempt at baking. It made me smile. I'd love to hear how you're doing, whenever you feel like catching up.”

Use a memory you really share. It doesn't need to be a big one.

4. When you don't know whether they want advice

“Would you like to talk it through, have a distraction, or just have some company? I'm free for a short call tonight.”

Offer the choice without expecting them to pick the answer you prefer.

5. When a handwritten note feels right

“I still remember how you stayed after everyone else left to help me clean up. That meant more than I said at the time. Would you like to go for a walk this weekend?”

A simple note can be three lines: one real memory, one thing you appreciate, and one invitation. A scrap of paper is enough.

Before sending, check two things: have they asked for space, and am I asking them to comfort me in return? Respect any request for space. Send only what you're comfortable giving without an immediate reply.

I run Dear Someone, where I've collected more free handwritten-note and DIY care ideas. You can use the examples above without visiting anything.

What is a small message someone sent you that you still remember? Keep names and private details out of the comments.