Is this Comoletely My Fault ? Or My Wife Is Not Trying To Understand At All ?
Is this what marriage is supposed to be ?
Married since 4years and we have a 3years kid.
Little bit about me:
I work as a software engineer.
Try to avoid fights.
Live simple life.
No smoke , no parties, no drinking.
Working hard for family , always upskilling due to AI. What I used to earn 4 years back , I now earn double of it.
Got onsite Europe oppprtunity, took family along.
Now returned to India.
About her:
She don't work.
She is less educated, but I was OK as I wanted love and time for family.
They are only sisters, no brother.
She lived very normal life before marriage.
When she was pregnant, there was some fight in family.
My elder brother's wife used to do some house chores which my wife did not. Now brother got angry , he started complaining and shouting about this to my mother.
I wasnt aware, my wife just crying..so I asked her.
Later in evening, I raised this issue with father. I also got angry , then had argue with brother.. parents also scolded him.. Then parents decided to talk to my wife's parents..and discuss.
Everything went to different direction..quarell happened. I also shouted on my parents..
Next day brother and his family left home and started living 2 streets away.
Now as brother left, so father also sometimes arguing with mother and same family drama..
To cut short, wife asked me to let her go to her parents home..I said ok and sent her.
When we were expecting and planning for hospital, a day before my elder sister's husband met with an accident..so parents rushed there.. Now I was alone managing hosptal things , bills ,rooms, talking to doc, nurses, what not. Now baby arrived, then parents also quickly came, so with all this I got very tired and exhausted. My younger sister came to help in hospital, as wife was in ICU so I thought of going back home and take rest for 3-4 hours , as next day again will be occupied with hosptal stuffs.. And that is what my wife did not like. She got angry. Kike why I left her. My mother and her mother were already with baby in hsopotal room, and nobody was allowed frequently in ICU.
Then after 2 days arrived home. I had also joined a new company so onboarding and joining Checking failties was going on.And they were forcing to relocate so was managing all that..
Now wife was on bed rest..eating her nomal food.
Mother 64+ with knee injury , had to again start making food for us.
But due to postpartum wife was always angry, arguing with my mother, then complaining to her mother.
I was shocked, could not understand..
All thing got messy..
Few months later , we sent her back to her parents house, my company ws not forcing but I also moved to different city for work..
They joined me after 6 months.
Now things started getting wrong:
Since past 4 years every other day she insults my parents, always complain about them.
I always say yes they did wrong , their mistake , that's why we are now living seprately. but I can't always go and fight them.
Whatever I had to say , I already said it to them.
Then she said don't tslk to your sister. I stopped.
She stopped going to my house ever.
She even did not allow video calls of our baby with my parents.
I Adjusted, but only requested like please now stop bringing them in evry topic. Stop abusing always.
During Rakhi onpy I had met with sisters, wife asked me how much did I gave to sisters , I said 1K each.
She said OMG, why so much?
I Felt so bad , like now this is my life. I am earning and working day night , and cant even spend 1K.
She is always happy on call with her parents, 2 sisters ..multiple times a day.. they all enjoy ..talk to our daughter. But in my side , all gone.
I am now sitting silent, I cant decide what to do, whom to talk .
Once in a week I used to talk to my parents and that too like 10min, but one day my mother was facing some health issue and also father is but strict and not that understanding. So I was listening my mother's peoblem on phone.
Then wife came and started shouting like why you just sitting. Do pending housework.
I Felt so bad again, like my freedom to talk to parents once in a while also gone.
Still I thought to go well with my wife. We traveled other countries, we eat good. We lived good.
But one day her sister arrived, and instead of enjoying she started judging.. and started taunting.
Like saying to our baby 'Mumma is best' , my daughter said 'Papa' , she replied yes all good but 'Mumma Is Best'
Then saying my wife, why you always in kitchen, cook one time and use same in dinner. Give time to your health, go to gym.
I heard it and felt like why she is again trying to ruin everything for us.
I till date never took lunch from home , my lunch and breakfast all were provided in office. Only weekend we used to eat lunch together. I never had any special demand on food from my wife.
But her sister ignored the fact that due to my hard work, today we are in this developed country, I give my 12-13 hours a day to work and upskill.
Ocassionally take kid to park on weekend, wash my own cloths, iron my cloths. Never asked wife for any support except food.
As she is not educated, I also take care of managing expenses and investing. I taoe care of bills, withiut me she cant go to doc due to foreign land. If baby ill. I take off and go to doctor.
But still she always has complains.
After her sister visit, she has changed a lot. She want all work to be distributed.
We already have maid for cleaning. She only cook, that too onpy lunch and use same or few items here and there at night.
But her concern is , why I don't feed my daughter.
Why I dont take her to park ( yes I did many times but got time only weekend )
Why I never bought her toys( I pay good amount every month to wife for all her expenses , and I never ask what she does with those)
I keep nothing for me. All goes to investment, bills, rent, groceries.
But still I bought some toys few days back. Now she is in very wrong way ' Ohh finally after a long time' , I said plesse go away now.enough. she then saying give my daughter.. ' have you ever done potty cleaning'?( yes I did that too , but how can daily? )
I work from 10am till 7pm. Senior postiin so too much pressure and work.
After that I again give time for self study, applying other jobs, finding opportunities ..till 12 am.
But with all this I feel like dying inside.
Nobody to share, so sharing it here. Would like to hear your thoughts on it.
Thanks!
Posted Sep 12, 2026, 8:23 AM UTC