ex with bpd problem

hello! i’ll try to be as brief as possible.
so i’m a girl, 22. she’s 24. she has bpd, untreated because she keeps refusing therapy. met her almost two years ago. we dated for 7 months, i realised it’s impossible to be with her. extreme mood swings and spirals and splitting. what was a deal breaker for me last year was this one argument when she was justifying kids (15 and less years old) can be with adults over 40 just fine. then next she said how she hates children and wouldn’t want to have one because she’d get jealous of them. anyways it was jarring and i had to take a huge step back. but we kept talking tho.

we decided to stay friends, even though she kept crossing the line so many times and tried to get back together even more times. i still refused, but i never really could tell her i don’t want her anymore or block her. she’s so intense, extremely suicidal, and i’m scared to hurt her. if i don’t reply for a week, she self harms.

she got married earlier this year to a guy she met for couple of weeks. she said she did it to move on from me, but then again when i kept my distance to respect her marriage, she kept texting me “i miss you” and “i need you” and stuff like that. couple of months later, she divorced. at first she said he is a very nice guy and so lovely, then after marriage, he is suddenly evil. she’d share his pics in a groupchat for the girls to make fun of him.

shortly after divorce, she said he raped her. she said she didn’t realise it was rape at the time. she didn’t ask him to stop. nothing. she’d even initiate. but after the divorce the sex turned out to be “rape”.. giving our history, i believe it wasn’t rape, but i can’t say that, can i? now it’s more weeks of reassurances and calming her down. and she kept trying again to get me back into a relationship using that somehow. it was too much. i did my best even though i didn’t know what to do or how to handle that.

i ghosted her for a while after that, heard she got a gf, and that gf has ocd, and she couldn’t stand her. she left her after few weeks. then came back for me again.

all that time, i didn’t have anyone in my life but her, yet she kept meeting men for marriage and hooking up with girls. not saying this because i’m judging or jealous, i want her to be happy actually and focus on her own life, but i’m just saying this to let you know i never was offended when she literally married someone. because i understand boundaries and what we are. she didn’t do the same for me.

recently, i met someone, i have known him for years and we reconnected. i feel much safer, much happier, and much more stable and comfortable. when i told her, she made it about herself. she said “you’re taking me for granted because you know i wouldn’t leave”. now idk what to do. i was honest. told her we won’t work and that i don’t want a relationship with her but still would love to have her as a friend, yet when i actually meet someone, she’s offended.

i can’t keep up with that. two years of handling her is a lot. i can’t lie and say she was totally awful, she wasn’t, and been with me through a lot, but i can’t do this anymore. i like this person, i want to build a healthy life with him, but she’s always there somehow like something i can’t fully erase. i wished to keep her as a friend, but damn she always wants it to be more. she knows i’m seeing someone, yet still makes sexual and suggestive jokes. she would send “can we please get back together?” then unsend the message. she still self harms if i don’t reply for few days. and i’m exhausted.

i’m so sorry this is too long but i tried to let you see the whole picture. thanks for reading. i appreciate any advice on what to do because i unfortunately still can’t bring myself to just cut her off.