Am I doing life correctly?

Dang, I'm here again whining cause I hate myself. I feel so disgusted, ashamed, annoyed, ungrateful, lazy, impossible to satisfy, hypocrite, self-contradictory, and pitiful. All these self-loathing making me more miserable and I can't sleep but I have another work shift in 4 hours.

Story time, so last week I felt so lonely and useless during my rest days cause all I did was sleep for two days. So I kinda volunteered for some church thingy for this week. But then I didn't go because I feel like shit after losing sleep over it.

And now I'm having some kind of FOMO even tho I dont really care much about that thing, nor the cause nor those people at all. But I'm more like disappointed about myself for my lack of commitment. I thought I was doing this for more *exposure*. Fake it till I make it with the normies. And yet... I keep avoiding it. Why did I even volunteer myself into this if I'll just retreat last minute? And not just that, it has affected my other aspects of life like my wageslaving. Why am I putting too much on my plate when I know for a fact I can't even chew it all let alone finish it?

I feel so guilty so I try to catch-up for all the years I spent NEET by filling up my schedule like I'm punishing myself for it but when it actually come I just hide and whine about it on reddit?

I said I wanted a social life. I even forced myself to grab every opportunities that comes my way. Now I'm avoiding them all. What do I really want to achieve? Just more ammunition to fuel self-loathing?