I’m done

I’m about to turn 19 I spent almost 2 decades trying to end my life I’ve been physically and sexually abused before I turned a year old my parents are immigrants and my ex when I was 16 raped and beat me so violently and I couldn’t leave because I was kicked out I’ve been in a uni since I turned 17 and I’ve been failing I can’t get out of bed and I’ve tried so many times my heart stopped when I was 13 from an attempt in psychosis my most recent ex has been telling me for years I deserve it and I believe him he held me down and beat me and my head split open. I’m not okay. Please help.