So I act like my dad and he treated woman like crap and hit them and abused them infront of me and my sister also watched 🌽when I was asleep in his room. And had sex with his cocain addict gf when I was right above them

Practically told me he loved her more than me real stuff and I internalized that deeply he also swear owes me money lol. Not funny but he is dead to me, my mom did a great job.. definitely would be dead or homeless or a hooker if it wasn’t for her, how can I forgive my father because I act like him but more emotionally. Please help I always trust everyone and expose my demons but defensively so because of my mom.