I hit my bsf once during a fight and she now thinks we can never go back to being close again

We've been friends since 9th grade and decided to room together in our first year of college.

Everything was going great until we started getting into minute quarrels that ended up getting physical. There were times when she'd push me off her bed ​if I didn't get off when she told me to, when something like this would happen I'd be slightly taken aback becasue I was never the one who'd drag things to a physical standpoint. I wouldnt bring it up, ​to avoid conflict but it did build tension. There was once an instance where she had me in a chokehold and I had to tap out for her to let go. Things like this happened around 3 or 4 times and I wouldn't do anything about it.

I started disliking how she'd always get an "upper hand" physically and would eventually end up overpowering me whenever we had disagreement or anything as such, and a resentment build inside my mind. Up until this point I think she thought of this as friendly banter but I didn't appreciate being treated so.

One day we got into an argument which started out pretty much as a joke with her smearing a smidge of Vaseline on my face and then me taking a handful and smearing it on her head, I was sick of being the one who always lost in fights or anything as such and wanted to ​"get back" at her. She then decided to take some more to smear on me and then we chased each other around (she did end up getting sone on my face) I tried to spill milk on her but eventually didn't cause she held my hands up and tried to stop me. She kept holding my hands tight to stop me from doing anything which frustrated me and I ended up pulling her hair back and hitting her neck. She immediately let go and ran to the balcony and started crying and I just stood there frozen not realizing what I had done.

I didn't know what to do so I just stood there thinking about how I had hurt her without having any intention to do so. I never intended on hurting her I simply didn't want to be the person who lost yet another fight. Things escalated pretty quick as she told her parents and even though they were kind enough to understand and ask us to reconciliate, she has never felt the same about our relationship with each other. I've grovleded and pleaded everyday since this happened (10 months ago). I've apologized numerous times and have been completely engulfed by guilt, I've cried and begged as much as I possibly can....yet nothing seems to change on her end. I regret what I did immensely and truly wish I could undo my actions, I also understand her decision of not wanting to move forward but thats something which hurts me knowing that the times when she did something to me...i simply let go becasue our friendship meant a lot more to me than her I guess.

The time that we spent after this happened (as we had a 1 year contract in the hostel) was pretty much a mix of her being my bestfriend on some days and not wanting anything to do with me on others. ​She told me that she couldnt help but distance herself completely because we were in such close proximity. Ever since then she's made it clear that she doesn't ever want us to go back to how we were once and can only converse "casually" simply to avoid any awkwardness. I respect her decision becasue ultimately the only thing I want for her is for her to be happy. There are times when I think about how maybe a second chance could be a possibility becasue there is truly nothing I'd want more....but then circle back to questioning whether I even deserve such a chance. Would it make sense for me to want things to go back to normal...or is that completely unreasonable?