I don’t know if I’m imagining it

so on the morning of my 16fh birthday, I think my brother (17 at the time) grabbed me.

my parents were on holiday and I needed to wake up for school. my parents had been gone for at least a week by now, I’m not entirely sure. but my sister (19) made a routine of face timing my parents and showingg them me laying in bed. you know I would’ve woke up if you werent practically live streaming my morning routine for my parents to see. I digress. on by birthday morning my parents must have been specifically wanting me to get up in case they think I’m trying to skip school to be depressed in my bedroom. so they ordered my sister to drag me off of my bed onto the carpet.

after this, my parents were still not satisfied cuz im on the floor and out of bed does not equal getting ready. So then they called my brother in to get me up. My brother had a history of beating the shit out of me may I add. This is when I think it happened. He put his hands around my ribcage, under my armpits. His thumbs were on my ribs and then the rest of his fingers and palm were on the sides of my chest tissue. He grabbed me like that and tried lifting me up to be him doing as he was told. In that moment I was thinking ‘oh he really is doing this, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I can’t believe he would actually do this’. I didn’t mention it to anyone at all and I pretended and felt fine the rest of the day.

im not sure if im imaging it tho and if he didnt think / he accidentally grabbed me there. I mean he didn’t straight up grab it my the frount and cuff where my nips are. Sorry if that’s too much detail. The reason it might be on purpose is that he has 0 female attention, he is basically an incel and watches true crime all the damn time and always hurt me and thretened to x me out. Also when we were younger, around covid times, he had this bike and it was tall like a proper bike and I on.h had my kiddy bike and I wanted to feel grown up so I asked him for a turn and he said ‘if you want a turn the; you have to sit on my hand’ and he put his hands around on the seat faced up. I was around 10-11 he was around 12-13. Maybe he didn’t realise the extent of what he said. Maybe he was trying to be edgy and thought it was funny. Also when I was about 9 and he was 11 I used to play with my dolls and he would always make my dolls have sex and get naked and have another doll watch through the window. I partook in this too so maybe it’s a joint mistake. But he would tell me what he learnt in his sex ed class and make my dolls do it.

one time I ran from home and went to my neighbours house and my neighbour called his dad and his dad called police. Then a man showed up and drove me to the station and then another man was with him and they tried making me go back but then they called a lady cop and I told her what my brother did then she told the guy cops and then they got another lady cop to ask me questions and that Second Lady cop made me demonstrate to her how I was grabbed and she said ‘ok so he grabbed your armpits’ and then scribbled that down. He was never followed up about my statement and the police did nothing about it

i just don’t know if what happened was in my head or if he ment to do that. I know it was an isolated incident and other girls have it much worse. I mean I, doing all this thinking about only just geabbing and other girls live with actual rape. I’m sorry if you had rape happen to you, I don’t mean to dismiss your hurt for something small like mine. I just am unsure. Please give me some ideas.