I kind of want to quit, I kind of don’t care anymore.

It’s the greatest conundrum. There were three decades of my life I didn’t drink, I’ve been an alcoholic for 12 years though. In that time I have lost almost everything material, I’ve ruined my health. I know that I’m going to die a horrific death if I keep this up. My life has always been hard so I have no expectations that dying is going to be long and painful. Because that’s how it is. How do guys reconcile this? I’m just over it. I wish that it was a peaceful death where I down a fifth and just drift off.

Bonus; Watch the episode “Time of Death” from ER. Lord knows I had that many doctors and get out easily. Regardless the late Ray Liotta is fucking brilliant. It’s 2:30 am and I’m probably going to get a lecture from my husband about breaking into my fifth half pint in less than 12 hours. Sometimes I envy you guys who live alone. The judgement is strong over here.

Chairs all.