When I have sex with someone I fall inlove with them for a day after, but just for a day and then nothing

I know that deep down I am an avoidant.

But it was refreshing to hear the truth spoken by another’s mouth. This 37…or 42 yo (I dont know the truth anymore)…man fucked and coached me through the night. Told me exactly what I know about myself. I felt relieved not to have to perform.

I’m 31F, a year into exploring my sexual self. He sounded exactly like my manager in our weekly coaching call. He taught me how to kiss properly (I never knew I was doing it wrong).

He was the first man I rode that I actually enjoyed. His tool long and large enough to hit the exact spot. I rode him like a rodeo.

He talked me through the night. I was tired, awake for 20 hours. I listened to him drone on talking about life, about realizations.

I was doing exactly what I do in these moments, I memorize the memory. How his touch, how his words, how his charm felt to me. I record his voice, his moans, his whispers in my head like a tape. I make imprints of his fingers on my skin, his tight grasp on my boobs. The way he crushed my clit with just a finger. The way his balls hit my ass as he dive deeper and deeper into me.

And of course, how his dick feels warm inside blanketed in my own secretions.

I emboss the taste of his dick on my tongue, paired with my self loathing for failing to take him all in. His head is too large for my small throat.

I will need that memory later. Every single detail.

Because I knew that like every other man I’ve spent a night with, I will fall inlove with him for a day.

Just a day after…then it fades like the end of a movie credits after 24 hours.

For a day my mind will be on him like a broken tape desperately replaying his every kiss, every thrust, every bite of my nipples, and every grunt.

I have learned now to put a good physical distance away from a man after a deed. Never kiss him when he drops you home. Dont hold his hand or hug him. He is just a body that has served your need. The transaction is done.

It helps lessen the longing and yearning the following day.

Thus I endure the movie replay in my head, desperately grinding on my vibrator until every drop of desire has been satisfied. Patiently waiting for the oxytocin to be removed from my system so that I can finally fall out of love again.