Ineffective medication making me feel so frustrated

I have been officially diagnosed with ADHD for 1 year now, ever since I turned 18 and was allowed to make my own decisions about medication (dad was very anti-drug). I have been “off the records” diagnosed by a family friend who is a psychiatrist since fourth grade.

Because I have a history with depression, they first put me on Wellbutrin for 6 months. Okay. Did not help. Now I’ve been on metaphetamines for another 6 months. Tried different dosages. Was on Ritalin. Now on Metadate CD. Tried asking my doctor to possibly try an amphetamine because it worked for my mother.

I’m so frustrated. I tell my doctor I can’t even go to health appointments because it feels like I am glued to my bed. Showering too. I wouldn’t shower for days because it felt impossible. Wet laundry stays left in the washer for days until it grows mold and smells bad. My dentist got very angry with me because I hadn’t shown up to the office in 5 months when I should be attending every 6 weeks.

I hate being in my own head. I hate it. I wish I could just find the right medication for me. The frustration is so intense, and I feel so disgusting for not being able to do simple things. The lack of medication has actually led me back into depressive episodes.

I feel like the doctor suspects I’m addicted to drugs or something, since I’m being a little forward. It sucks. I’ve never taken drugs before. I just want to feel okay.

Im so sad I jjst want to be normal