I really wish I could feel hope right now.

TW for abuse !!!

I seriously have no idea where to start, I’m grieving everything. I never got prom, I never got a sweet 16, I’m grieving the high school life so bad. I went insane due to loneliness as a kid but was never given any help because my mom didn’t wanna risk the embarrassment of admitting she fcked up.
I’m nearing 17 now and won’t be doing anything special on my birthday. Everything leads back to 8 year old me crying in my room because I had no friends and wasn’t allowed to go to school. I have absolutely no education and don’t even know where to start or how to catch up. My younger sister is suddenly allowed to go back because she went to therapy and her therapist said she needs to, why wasn’t I allowed to have that? I was screamed at for 5 hours when I asked to go to school for my well being at 15. My coward of a father mentioned my sister getting prom the other day and I nearly threw up. I’m so so sad. I’m trying not to show my jealousy, but why does she get these experiences while I was wasting away at that age?
The regret is beyond hard to live with. Not to mention the fact that I have no one. No friends, and my family clearly never cared about my mental health at all.
I’m SO scared to get a job due to math problems. Not to mention social anxiety due to no socialization in the last while. I’m devastated at the thought that my work experience will probably be me working alongside miserable adults and never meeting anybody special. I dated for the first time this year (high school dating was something I always wanted) and got abused and it only reminded me no one cares about me at all. I got made fun of by my ex boyfriend for my abusive past. He always brought up me being a “homeschooled loner” which he had gotten from my best friend who I found out had been talking bad about me to him. When I tell people about being homeschooled I literally feel violated, and I’ve only ever been made fun of for it. My best friend of a whole year who I trusted dearly crushing on my toxic boyfriend and telling him secrets and even lies about my past was not something I thought would ever happen. I saw her as a friend that could be lifelong. The whole situation made me isolate for months. and then the second person I dated this year treated me like a doormat, tried to embarrass me in front of people many times and left me alone at my first concert where a lot of scary things happened to me. She also got the ick from me for just simply existing and loving her which was so hard on my self esteem. I feel like people only date me to humiliate me.
I need some hope. If things don’t get better I don’t know what will happen to me. So many wasted years and wasted potential. I went to school up to the 2nd grade and I was a good student and classmate. Everyone liked me, and this is like a punishment for literally doing nothing wrong. I can barely remember my own childhood, it’s just a blur after second grade.
I’m so scared of how 2027 is gonna look, not to mention prom season is absolutely gonna destroy me.
If anybody has been through anything similar, how did you get through it? How is your life now? I just need a bit of hope right now.