I feel like it is unfair for me to stay in my relationship when my symptoms affect my partner so much - am I capable of being in an adult relationship?

hi everyone, first of all this is not stemming from self-deprecation and it is not attention seeking post for anyone to sooth me but a genuine question. I feel so lost and I don’t have any benchmark to review my personal life right now. I am very grateful to have many female friends but they are all neurotypical. I feel like I’m insane because I can’t relate to anyone. I read a lot on this subreddit and I thought I’d make my first post here.

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (M30) for nearly 6 years. While I have had mental health problems since I was a child and medicated for same I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until 22 and I only recently started adhd medication for the first time (I lived in a country where I couldn’t get them but I now live abroad)

I think me and my boyfriend, who is such an amazing, caring and understanding man, are about to break up and it’s down to my adhd symptoms. There are many issues but namely, that I am incapable of being fun / spontaneous or intiating sex. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I enjoy sex and I’m definitely physically attractive to him but about a year and half ago he brought up the fact that he feels unloved as I am never the one to start intimate moments. At the time, I explained that this was not something that was natural for me as it’s not at the forefront of my mind and I feel awkward doing so but that I would try.

I have tried so much but, evidentially, not very well. I feel broken. He needs excitement and novelty but I do not think of sex in my day to day life, I have a busy high paced legal career so by the time i’m home it’s not on my mind. I will set a reminder and we have tried designating set days to do it but I still feel so incredibly uncomfortable with the thought of anything that is not normal ‘boring’ sex and I have no idea why. Yet, I realise that he needs to feel cared for and I understand. He has detailed his fantasies and what he would like me to do but I just can’t fulfil them because I can’t get myself to feel calm or that I’m not simply performing.

The sex thing, he has said himself, is something that affects him a lot but he can get passed to be with me. However, my sexual issues paired with all my other problems is too much, he has told me. These other problems being: forgetfulness, talking too much or interrupting others, I correct him when he says something wrong and it’s rude, I’m loud, disorganised etc. This has led to him being snappy and at his wits end patience wise with me. I can’t deal with being scolded for things like lateness or disorganisation because in my mind i’m doing everything possible to combat these symptoms but it’s still not enough and all this has compounded into a vicious chicken and egg scenario where I can’t ‘lock in’ with sex because I feel like anxious that I’m annoying him and then he gets more annoyed that i’m being distant in our intimate lives.

We are at an impass where he doesn't want to break up but we does know what to do with. On the other hand I don't know whether these are things I can work eventually work through and get better at or not so, in the event that I don’t get better, my knee jerk reaction is to break up before I waste more of his/my time.

As I said at the start, I'm not posting this for sympathy but I really need some sort of guidance as to whether these are problems inherent to me or if they are things other people have overcome in the past. I feel like damaged goods. My friends and colleagues love me but when it comes to romantic relationships, despite my very best efforts, I'm never able to provide enough and I wonder if am simply a person who should not be in a relationship because I'm so chronically adhd and I don't want to subject another person to my chaos.

Any suggestions / words of wisdom / tips for living long term with a neurotypical man ect would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading if you made it to this point ❤️
\- signed a girl with swollen eyes and an empty bed

tldr: boyfriend gets increasingly frustrated with things I do such as my forgetfulness/ interrupting/talking and he is also feeling unloved and dismissed by my lack of ability to initiate sex. I am deciding whether we should break up and want to know whether these are things I will ever overcome.