I stopped talking to her but I’m hurting

So I dated the love of my life ten years ago in my 20s. After I started drinking a lot. She messaged me back one of those times saying ‘I don’t think I made the right choice and she misses me’. Originally I responded kindly but got drunk later that night and was mean. Well years later we started talking again on Facebook messenger and ONLY on Facebook. We would have phone sex and exchange pictures after we got close. She clearly had a boyfriend even though I was in denial the whole time. She lead me on for 2 years telling me we will be together and we never even saw each other in person again as we live really far away at this point. My life fell apart because I fell back into the drinking and I stopped talking to her. Well we started talking on Facebook again for about 5 months but 3 days ago I just got so sick of it all and stopped talking to her. Shes all I can think about and I know how fing dumb and pathetic I am but I’m still hoping she’ll reach out after 30 days. I guess I’m just venting but would like to hear people’s opinions. She’s still with the same guy she rebounded with after me ten years ago but had no kids and isn’t engaged or anything. I’m terrified to lose her forever. Also I do feel bad for the other guy to because she’s been sending me pictures and videos for a long time now behind his back.