im so dumb

a quick background my first pregnancy unexpectedly end since before we would proceed to buy pills its standard to do a transv ultrasound right? and sa checkup na yun dun namin nalaman na sa walang maaabort dahil walang heartbeat si baby and inadvice ni doc magraspa ako pero since student palg kami ng ni bf is di rin kaya and parang kusa ko nalang sya nalabas? like para din akong naglabor sa first ko lastyr then march 10 this yr i did do abortion by pills cause guess what same bf got me pregnant again and hindi pa talaga ready lol so ayun successful naman sya although traumatizing exp for me cause i almost thought id die since i didn’t eat anything before doing the procedure and anyw now im sorry guys if ever reading this would make u mad but im carrying a baby once again by that same guy all 3 of pregnancy he’s just the only man ive been with so ayun nagresult nanaman into this and no choice nanaman me ulit and as much as i dream to be a mother since i was still a kid i dont think i really deserve to be one atp so can i just ask
would a two abortion in a span of a year is not really risky? ik dumb thinking again but as of the moment i just wanted to ease my mind on this thing bcs honestly i don’t think ill just get my peace from working my ass off im sure im now a high risk but would i be okay still? i still need to grow a backbone so i can leave this guy whos just impregnating me and leaving me in this situation all alone