Surgery is coming up..

(36)

surgery (lumpectomy) is coming up in a couple days...

im so sad.

it feels like the day I found out I needed a biopsy a monthish ago…

I am crying again and losing my appetite again…

i know after surgery treatment will begin and nothing will ever be the same. my doctor hasn’t officially decided between radiation and chemo (he wants to wait to confirm till the tumor itself is tested) so I don’t know which route that will go for sure but I know I’ll need hormone therapy most likely… and with my age it will probably be a permanent menopause. I’ve never even been in a relationship… I prob was never going to have kids anyway… but it feels like I can’t even have a chance to decide for myself. I have no control of anything in my life anymore.

anyway… waiting for surgery It feels like I’m saying goodbye to this version of me and I don’t want to say goodbye to her 😢