28M Looking for something easy, not empty

Hi. I'm the reason "it's fine" doesn't mean it's fine. Statistically single. Emotionally a golden retriever who read too many philosophy books.

Credentials:

- Can identify a good conspiracy theory by smell

- Has strong, unresearched opinions on how many raccoons could take one horse

- Cries at commercials, not movies. Nobody knows why. I've stopped asking

- 73% sure I could survive a week in the wilderness. The other 27% is doing the talking right now

What I'm looking for:

-Someone who texts "not to be dramatic but" and then is, in fact, extremely dramatic

- A person who will fight me lovingly about whether cereal counts as soup

- Bonus points if you've ever apologized to a piece of furniture

- Must be willing to workshop unhinged 3am theories with the seriousness of a TED talk

Not looking for:

- Someone who says "I'm not really a texter" and means it as a personality trait

- Anyone who has never once yelled at a fictional character for a bad decision

Slide in with your worst hot take, your best conspiracy theory, or just tell me if a hot dog is a sandwich. I have a whole speech prepared either way.